


Familiar Strangers

by Madly_Marmalade



Series: Familiar Strangers [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, Action/Adventure, Aliens, Amnesia, Drama, Ex Hydra agents, F/M, Fingering, Friendship, New Years Eve, Protective Bucky, Romance, Smut, Soft Bucky, The Avengers - Freeform, Timeline AU, We're gonna add more tags as we go, avengers squad - Freeform, elemental control, explicit - Freeform, girl friendships, mild exhibitionist, mild possessive sex, pre civil war, winter solider - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:22:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26387851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madly_Marmalade/pseuds/Madly_Marmalade
Summary: Ever since Ana woke up from being under ice for years in a Hyrda lab she’s running short on a few things – money, time, and most of her memories. It might be a dangerous mistake indulging her familiar stranger, but she was going to make a mistake soon enough and Ana wants to know who this ‘Bucky’ is and the secrets he’s hiding from her.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Familiar Strangers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917808
Comments: 20
Kudos: 44





	1. Spilled Tea

**Author's Note:**

> You have Sovereignty3 to thank for this early chapter! Thank you for your lovely comment. It made my day :D

**22 nd December, 2014**

* * *

There was a bite in the air today that sunk deep into Ana’s bones. Overhead the dark grey sky seemed to melt into the concrete horizon illuminated with a brilliant display of lights. The joy of Christmas was in air, so vibrant and alive that no bitter December morning could leech people from the streets. She watched them with cautious eyes as they hummed and chattered to one another, standing so close and always touching. She recognised the friends from the family, the business partners from the strangers. These streets were further away from the vibrant pumping heart of the city and maybe that was why it felt like there was time to spare.

Across the road she watched two teenagers enter a Café on the corner. Enticing, warm orange light spilled from the large windows. _It doesn’t look that busy,_ she thought sparing a quick look up and down the road before crossing the empty street. _And it does look warm._

Nervously she dug into her pocket to feel the loose change at the bottom. It was the last few dollars, but for a few hours of warmth… _There’s plenty of money in this world,_ she thought opening the door and feeling the delicious heat soak through her jacket. _I’ll just find some more._

“Hey there, what can I get for you today?” the young woman behind the counter asked, a bright youthful smile falling easily onto her sweetheart face.

Ana fumbled with the change in her pocket and looked up at the blackboard behind the cashier. _Gods, how many options can there be!_ “Ahh,” she muttered looking around the room. “Tea, just regular black tea, please,” Ana finally said having counted no more than six customers in the cosy store.

“We got a couple of black tea options,” the cashier said, speaking with a flow that sounded rehearsed. Behind Ana, the gentle bell and a wash of cold air sounded as two more entered. “English Breakfast, Early Gray, we have a Paris tea – that’s got an Earl Gray base but it also has a subtle caramel kick…” she continued, pausing only briefly to look around Ana’s shoulder before her smile became impossibly brighter.

“Let’s give the Paris a go, thank you,” Ana said resisting the urge to look behind her. She felt the presence of two men close, filling the space and her senses. It only made her nervous when a set of eyes began to bore into the space between her shoulder blades.

“Lovely. Cash or card? And can I grab your name?”

Ana pulled the loose change from her pocket and pushed it across the counter – careful not to touch the other woman. “Uh, Ana.”

“Perfect, if you just want to wait by the barista over there, we’ll call it out when it’s ready.” She seemed nervous to move Ana along, her hazel eyes always flickering over her shoulder.

“Thank you,” Ana muttered, carefully turning away to walk to the barista at the end of the counter.

The large glass windows did a poor job of providing any insight as to stood behind her, but she was apprehensive to turn and reveal herself. The unknown eyes hadn’t left her, digging dangerously deep. _It can’t be anyone who knows you. It has to be someone who is looking for you._ It had taken time to find everything she needed to blend in and become nothing of note. Now it all seemed pointless.

Ana smiled briefly to the barista who was working on making an order for the two teenagers who had entered earlier. They talked hurriedly to each other; eyes focused on the two strangers over her shoulder. _Someone high profile – or very attractive?_ It began to eat away at her, the illusive personalities behind her.

“The usual, thanks Sally. And ahh, an americano for my friend.” His voice sounded kind, with an open tone. But the man who was speaking wasn’t the one scratching at her back.

 _Is it worth disappearing into the bathroom? I’ve spent all I had on hoping for somewhere warm to rest for a little while and this is what I get._ She ground her teeth and looked to the giggling teenagers. _These people recognise them…_ she rationalised, stepping forward to fill the space the young girls left as they grabbed their drinks and scurried to a couch with a good vantage point.

 _This is probably a bad idea,_ she thought dropping her chin to her shoulder as she turned to lock eyes with the man staring at her. Almost instantly she felt faint.

_“You need to get out of here. He’s coming.”_

An erratic pulse rattled through her head making her painfully aware of the pressure building in her brain. Ana reached out to hold the counter and closed her eyes to the flashes of white and shrapnel.

_“This is your home now.”_

“Shit,” she muttered gritting her teeth. A wave of exhaustion and nausea clenched tightly around her. It hurt, but she opened her eyes and looked to the door – painfully aware of the man in her peripheral vision. _I know you,_ she thought watching as the man nudged the sun kissed figure next to him. Despite their closeness they seemed like night and day.

_“Hail Hydra.”_

The memory seemed to tease on the edges of her mind, confused, broken, and rearranged without her consent. She knew the context but not the man. Through the scream of the coffee machine, movement caught her eye in the street. _Oh fuck._

“You okay, lady?” She turned her head to see the concerned looking barista. “You looking awful pale.”

Ana felt their approach. Eight of them – a pathetically under-prepared number. If they’d called her position in, they were clearly not keen on waiting for support.

“Here’s your tea,” the barista said handing her over the large takeaway cup. “You want a lid or nha?”

“No lid, thank you,” Ana said waiting until he’d placed down the cup before she reached out and took it. _If I leave now, maybe these people won’t get hurt,_ she thought not daring to look at the two strangers as she went to leave. Her head still pulsed, sending electric volts of pain down her spine with every shudder. _This has to be the worst possible timing,_ she thought groaning.

A cold, gloved hand reached out and gripped her tightly. “I don’t think so,” he snarled.

Ana looked up to the dark wolf, he seemed angry – upset even. His vicious hold of her wrist was unforgiving as she tensed to move. _So, he is with Hydra,_ she thought letting her gaze flicker to the man standing behind him. He did seem like the solider type, stern and strong, but she hadn’t placed him as a Hydra agent. _You’re getting sloppy Ana_ , she chastised herself.

“You either don’t know who I am, or you’re an idiot,” she hissed. She began to test the composition of his metal arm whose grip only tightened.

“I know you,” he snapped, voice dripping with hurt and betrayal. It made her falter. His piercing blue eyes stirring something light in her chest.

It lasted only a moment before glass shattered and the young girls screamed. With a twist of her own, his hand released her. She dropped her knees and slipped gracefully out of his grasp. Pulling the boiling water from her cup she extended the flow, twisted her wrists, and flicked the water whip so it sent the smoke grenade back out into the street. They moved quickly – the two soldiers rapidly making a move to pin her.

“Sorry boys,” she said bringing up a fist to block his first series of impossibly fast blows. “This is going to have to be quick.”

With her feet flat on the ground she lowered into a squat and moved in rough, rigged movements as the earth erupted beneath them. She watched his sharp blue eyes darken as rock and earth built around his strong form, quickly leaving the two of them with just their heads free of the tight, earthy embrace.

“You’re making a mistake,” Mr Sunshine threatened.

“I don’t see it like that,” she huffed, turning to see where the civilians were. One man had made a run for it out into the street. He now lay lifeless on the road. The rest of them, however, had run towards the back of the café, away from the windows. _Good. Smart._

“It’s double payday today!” Shouted out one of the Hydra agents, leaping through the broken window and began firing. With a roll she escaped most of the spray – catching a graze, but it felt numb in comparison to the ache against the front of her head. Reaching out she melted the metal in the guns over their hands, enjoying their panicked looks.

“Do it now!”

She whipped her head to the agent who was now barrelling towards the civilians, fumbling with something underneath the melted metal encasing his hands. _That’s not good,_ she thought bringing up a thick rock wall around the huddled group. They screamed as the blast tore through the café.

It sent her tumbling like a ragdoll out the window. The explosion echoing in her ears while outside, the cold air set an ache into her cuts.

“You’ve gone and done it now,” she snarled, pushing herself onto her feet and prowled back towards the café. The two who she had been encased in rock escaped the worst of the small blast, they simply seemed in shock and smeared with blood. The other agents were scattered roughly around the space, burnt or bleeding.

“Get up,” she growled reaching out to the remaining seven attackers, feeling the liquid within their bodies. The pulsing blood in their veins hot, feeding her anger as she lifted them onto their feet. “You’ve pissed me off,” she snapped lowering her form into a squat, and used her shoulder to lift seven pebbles from the rubble into the air.

“You’ll never be rid of Hydra,” one of defiant ones called.

“Yeah, yeah. I know the saying,” she growled dropping her hold of them, twisted out with a sharp kick and heard them tumble to the ground. At the centre of their foreheads a small hole the size of a pebble poured out blood and brain splatter.

Exhaustion washed over her.

The pain in her head duller by the minute, easing into a constant ache at the forefront of her mind. Nothing sounded better than falling into a hot bath and washing away the pain and grime.

Slowly she lifted her head to look at the two strangers – encased in stone. She looked from the all-American Mr Sunshine to the dark brooding wolf. Both seemed eager to be free of their cage and to their credit they were slowly crumbling free of the rock. “Tell Hydra I’m not going back.”

“We’re not with Hydra,” Sunshine huffed, clearly exasperated.

She might believe that he wasn’t, but the other… _I know you._

“Don’t follow me,” she grumbled, dropping the rock wall around the civilians as she swiped up a stranger’s jacket and ran out of the café.


	2. Recruitment

**December 24 th, 2014**

The musty yellow light from a streetlight spilled into the window of the diner. Outside, the soft flakes of snow began to fall faster as the weather grew sour. It didn’t disturb the quiet and warmth inside and that was all that mattered. The usual gathering of customers scattered throughout the diner, happy with sticking to their own space.

Ana watched the waitress approach with a jug of black coffee. She held it up in offering and Ana gave her a smile while pushing the mug closer. “You okay hun?” the waitress asked softly, pouring the bitter black liquid with her gentle gaze holding Ana’s.

“Peachy, thanks.”

The woman nodded, a tentative smile crossing her face before she walked back behind the counter. Ana watched her interactions with the others. It was a bit of a risk always returning to this place, but the 24-hour diner was always warm and while she’d never let the waitress close, she found her presence calming.

There was a jingle as someone entered. “Evening hun, can I get you something?”

Ana huffed dejectedly. _I’m too tired for this shit,_ she thought running a hand through her messy chocolate curls. The dull ache returned at the sight of him prowling closer, his buddy companion in tow like a loyal Labrador. He didn’t hesitate as he strode closer, bright blue gaze never leaving hers as he slid into the booth next to her.

“No milkshake?” he muttered offhandedly as he casually motioned to the steaming black coffee in front of her.

She frowned, feeling the uncomfortable sensation that this man knew her better than she had anticipated. “You going to tell me who the hell you two are?” she huffed, dropping a hand to tap her finger against the tabletop. With each up and down motion she drew the thick black liquid up and down with her, an act she knew they would both understand the gravity of.

“I’m Steve, Steve Rogers,” Mr Sunshine introduced himself and revealed a tired smile.

She nodded, pulling a tight-lipped smile onto her face before turning to face the man next to him. Silence hung in the air as she waited for the stranger to introduce himself, and he waited to be recognised. Eventually, she huffed and turned back to Steve. “You can call me Ana.”

Steve held his hand out, over to the table. “It’s nice to meet you, properly, Ana.” She took his hand, trying to ignore the way his simple touch affected her. The way his hand wrapped around hers, so warm and firm… And then it was gone and she pulled her hands under to the table, desperate to ignore the ghostly sensation that lingered. _When was the last time someone actually touched you?_

“What do you want from me?” she asked, holding back the wince when she heard the brash cold tone of her voice.

Steve looked over to his companion, as if asking him to step forward and speak, but he remained silent with dangerous eyes watching her carefully. She narrowed her gaze at him, daring some form of guilt for his unfiltered attention. It did nothing to ease the unwanted barrage of silence. Instead she watched as silent thoughts raced behind his gaze, dripping in suspicion and caution.

“Well it seems we have a common enemy,” Steve finally said turning his attention back to her. She gladly turned her attention back to the square shouldered solider.

“Hydra.”

“Yes. Bucky …”

_“I know it’s scary. But the ice sleep isn’t that bad.”_

“… and I, we run a programme for training talented people like yourself.”

Shaking her head to jostle the memory free, she tried to hold onto the flow of the conversation. “And let me guess, you want to recruit me?”

“What you did to save those innocent people back in the café is the kind of stuff you can’t teach,” he implored. “Obviously, it’s not a given you’ll be part of the team, but we can offer you place to stay and hot food to eat until you complete the training.”

She nodded, easily attracted to his open persona. It seemed a jarring composition to the man beside him. A reminder that there were two sides to everything and while she might believe Steve was innocent of being involved with Hyrda, this Bucky was not. “This sounds a little too good to be true, and your buddy here is mighty suspicious,” she countered sitting back and folding her arms. “What does your special team really do?”

“We fight to protect those who can’t.”

“A lot of bad people use that as a cover.”

Steve nodded, his jaw rigged as he began to speak passionately. “Yes. But we’re not them. We’re different, and I like to believe we’re the good guys. We’ve all sacrificed a lot to be here and fight, my team are not just mindless followers. We act hard and fast, and sometimes people get hurt but that’s the price we have to pay. It’s not always a picnic and a parade. If you join it’ll be a lot of sleepless nights and hard work. If you’re not willing to give it everything you have then…” he paused, “Then say it now.”

Ana watched him carefully. “You seem like a good man, _Steve_ ,” she said and began to chew her bottom lip in thought as her gaze moved pointedly to Bucky. “I am inclined to ask a lot of questions – that gonna be a problem?”

“No,” Steve said smiling.

Ana nodded, her focus unmoving from the dark wolf. “How are you involved with Hydra?” 

Bucky didn’t flinch, his voice cold. “Were,” he corrected. “How _were_ you involved. They called me the Winter Solider.”

“If you _were_ involved, what makes you think I can trust you?”

Ana heard the whirl of something mechanic. “We-“ he stopped short, as if the thickness in his voice suddenly swallowed him. The whirr died down and the trio were left in silence. Outside the snow fell faster. 

_You don’t have any cash, any friends, and Hydra are closing in on you. This might be a dangerous mistake, but you were going to be making one of those soon enough… And you know Bucky, this Winter Solider…_ “Okay. Well I’m curious at least. When do you want me to start?”

Steve looked over to Bucky, his face still unreadable. “Well, I imagine you’ll have people you’ll need to-“

“It’s just me and this is all I have,” Ana interrupted bringing her hands back up to the mug to take a deep drag of the coffee.

She watched a familiar look of understanding come over his face and he nodded. “You can start now then, I guess. When you’re done, we can take you to the headquarters.”

**~O~O~O~**

“What does the big A stand for,” Ana mumbled, her eyes quickly assessing the large compound. They were yet to pull through the security gate, but even from a distance the brightly illuminated A stood out like a sore thumb.

Steve let his gaze flicker from the rear-view mirror, turning quickly to watch her with his mouth slightly agape. “You…?” He turned quickly to Bucky who seemed oddly unsurprised. “Where’ve you been?”

“It stands for the Avengers,” Bucky answered, his tone slightly smug.

_“If you let them know you remember, then they’ll hurt you.”_

Ana nodded, surprised with how familiar his voice was. It was settling and that filled her with unease. “That’s what the team is called? The Avengers?”

“Seriously, where have you been?” Steve asked, slowing to a stop at the security gate.

She narrowed her eyes as the guard approached them, leaning in through the car window as he spied Steve and Bucky. “Evenin’ Cap. Who we got here?”

“Uh, evening Mike. She’s a new recruit,” Steve replied, his voice still distant with shock.

“Well if she’s with you. Have a Merry Christmas all.” The guard flashed a smile and, with a little nod and a wave, stepped away from the car.

“So, is it something like amnesia?” Bucky asked, his gazed fixed on the large immaculate lawn that sprawled out in front of the giant complex. She could feel the tension that rolled off him, she could see the tightness in his shoulders. _Who were you to me?_

“I’d rather not talk about it, if you don’t mind,” she muttered feeling defensive. It didn’t stop the fact that he was right, she barely remembered anything before that day when she woke up out of the ice. What little she did always came back in painful flashes and sometimes immobilising headaches.

It filled the rest of the short ride with palpable silence. It was enough that as they approached and Steve got out of the car quickly to open her door, she felt strange letting, “thank you,” fall from her lips. Ana didn’t turn but could feel Bucky watching her as they guided her into the large compound. Lights turned on automatically for them, illuminating the long pale walls that seemed to stretch on forever.

“Good evening Steve, Bucky, and… Anastasia Medina,” a voice appeared from nowhere and Ana turned quickly on her heel to spot the source. She couldn’t help but place the traces of a Scottish accent piercing through the prim, pleasant tone.

“How do you know-?”

“Easy,” Steve said. “Ana this is Friday, she’s an AI system that helps run the complex.”

“My name, how did you…?” she pressed feeling uncomfortable with how they knew. It made her feel exposed and instantly on edge.

“I have access to a wide array of databases. I simply ran your face through the records and pulled your name from the file that was the most successful match. If you would like me to call you something else, like Bucky does, then just let me know.”

Ana shifted her gaze questioningly over to the staunch Bucky. He wouldn’t meet her gaze. “Yeah, just Ana… please.”

“Of cause, it’s nice to meet you Ana.”

She swallowed hard. “You too, Friday.”

Steve motioned down the hallway, an understanding smile on his face. “You’ll get used to it. I promise. When they pulled me out of the ice it was…” he shook his head, “It was a lot to take in. It still is sometimes.”

Ana nodded, her body feeling numb and awkward. “Ice, huh? Sounds like you were in there for a while.”

He nodded, looking briefly over to Bucky. “66 years.”

She stopped short, pausing mid-stride before extending it to catch up. “Just a short nap then.”

Steve chuckled, a loud happy sound that made him bring a hand to his chest. “Hungry?”

Ana shook her head, the events of the past two days making her eager for nothing more than being clean and a bed. Despite it, Steve and Bucky led her through the kitchen and common room, past a corridor leading to a gym, endless rooms, up another set of stairs and past another kitchen and common room. There were cameras placed subtly every so often, sometimes pointing strategically to certain doors. The curious itch begged to be scratched. _Later,_ she thought as her eyes drifted once again to Bucky who walked beside her. For a moment she could hold his gaze, before he turned and looked out the large windowpane.

Steve pointed out his room as they passed, and then Bucky’s, and finally he came to a stop outside an equally unremarkable door.

“And this is your room,” Steve said swinging open the bland door. He stepped back and let Ana walk in ahead. It was lavish without overdoing it. A small, stylish bench and sink lined one wall while a generous lounge filled most of the space. “There’s not much here right now, but we can go into town after Christmas and get you some things to make it more yours. There’s a bedroom and a bathroom up those stairs,” he continued motioning to where two carpeted steps led up to another closed door. “There’s some spare clothes and towels up there, but Bucky is your first room back the way we came, and mine’s just after that if you need anything. And Friday is always around if you have any questions.”

Ana stopped at the steps, her eyes going to the lounge suite and the television on the far wall. It was an apartment big enough for two to live in and the idea that it was hers alone felt strange. “Thank you, Steve.”

He nodded, looking quickly to Bucky with a grin. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

~O~O~O~O~

The water was hot instantly, pooling into the deep bath. It was nearly enough to make her cry. Ana added some of the nice smelling salts and bubble wash into the tub, waiting eagerly to slip underneath the hot water and wash away the stress of the past few weeks.

 _I shouldn’t be here,_ she thought twirling the water with a finger. _I recognised him from Hydra, and he could only have known me from Hydra as well._ The waterline was high enough, so she turned off the tap and slipped into the hot watery embrace. “Oh my god this is good,” she hummed sinking down until her shoulders slipped past the bubbles and under the water. _If you know more about the rest of the team, then maybe staying won’t be so bad. This bath is too good to let up anyway._

“Friday?”

“Yes Ana,” the AI responded immediately. It felt like an intrusion, just another reason to run away from this place. _Remember why you’re here. You need answers._

Ana chewed her lip in though and played with the bubbles in her hands. “If I ask you something, is it confidential?”

“To a degree. I should warn you, that there are certain things I have to report.”

“Like?”

“Well, the usual things. If you plan to hurt yourself or others. I also have to alert Steve or Tony if you ask me to help you plan anything illegal, like robbing a bank.”

The bubbles slipped from her fingers and she stirred the water so more were conjured. “Is that all? Is there a search history situation with these questions?”

“No. To make everyone more comfortable I’m completely confidential.”

Ana nodded as she pushed and molded the bubbles. “I’d like to ask some questions about the team and the Avengers.”

“What would you like to know?”

Ana stayed up long into the night, moving from the bath to the bed after the water began to grow lukewarm. For hours she talked with Friday, evolving past questions about her new companions to the state of the world, current events, and things she might have missed while she was under. Ten years felt longer than they should have. The world had kept spinning, and while so much seemed a mystery she had to adapt to this new life.


	3. Welcome To The Family

**25 th December, 2014**

Ana woke late, for the first time in a long time feeling well rested. She stretched, groaning as her muscles protested the movement. “I guess this isn’t so bad,” she mumbled.

The soft sound of Christmas floated down the halls. Delicious aromas of hot meals, baking, and sweet spices drew Ana to the common room with a rumbling stomach. Chatter bounced off the walls, merry and light. It made each step feel more and more like the haze of a dream. Would she wake up, only to be cold and alone on the concrete streets? Ana looked down to her hands, counting each of her fingers with ease. _Not a dream then._

Turning the corner, she paused in the doorway for a second to take it all in. The scene before her could only be explained by the chaos of Christmas. Ana watched the two men in the kitchen, one of whom she could only assume to be Dr Banner – the other she did not recognise from the images. _Possibly Vision?_ They were pulling a roast from the oven, laden with golden vegetables, and stirring pots while directing the others with plates and dishes on the counter. A young woman with thick wavy locks that flashed like golden fire in the morning sunlight slipped between to two men, dancing around their bodies and flailing arms to steal a cookie fresh from the oven. She only smirked when caught, picking up a stack of plates and skipping to the dinner table. Ana recognised Steve and Bucky talking to another man who Ana recognised as The Falcon. They were setting the table, smiling and laughing as the young woman levitated a gingerbread man off the cooling tray and into each of their hands.

“You must be Anastasia.” Turning, Ana came face to face with a beautiful redhead. Her lips pursed in an amused smile, something like sympathy in her eyes as she gave Ana the briefest once over before looking to the scene in the common room. “Merry Christmas, and welcome to the family.”

It was never going to be as easy as that. To be welcomed into a family you chose was always tighter, stronger than a family by blood. But it was a nice sentiment, an olive branch that promised a chance to be more than whoever she used to be. “Thank you. And Ana is just fine.”

“Ana, then,” the other woman smiled. “I’m Nat.”

They shook hands, but it didn’t feel formal or unfamiliar. “There’s a few of you,” Ana commented with a nod towards the kitchen.

Nat nodded, folding her arms as she leaned against the other door frame. “Believe it or not, there’s more. This bunch of losers just live here.”

Ana laughed and from the corner of her eye, she recognised Bucky look up. Nat took her elbow with a smile. “Let me introduce you to them.”

They had barely stepped through the doorway before everything paused, and all eyes looked to them. Ana had to swallow the overwhelming sense of being a deer in the spotlight. “Merry Christmas,” the young woman beamed, the gentlest hint of a Slovakian accent on her full lips. “I’m Wanda.”

Ana nodded, trying to match her smile but hers burned brighter than the sun. “It’s lovely to meet you, I’m Ana.”

“This is Bruce and Vision,” Nat introduced, motioning to the two men in the kitchen. They both greeted her with smiles and an offbeat chorus of ‘Merry Christmas.’

In between, The Falcon, stepped forward and extended his hand. “Sam,” he introduced smoothly with a grin. “Sorry I couldn’t be there to pick you up the other night with the guys, important business came up.”

“Oh sure,” Nat chuckled and raised a perfect eyebrow in retort.

Ana barely had another moment to register the next comment when Wanda reached forward, gathering Ana’s hands in her own and pulled her towards the table. “It’s going to be nice to have another girl on the team! Steve was saying you still have to pass the basic training and all of that, but it’s not that hard. We can train together if you want.”

Ana nodded, letting herself be guided into a seat at the table as the last of the food was laid down and the others joined. “Yeah, that would be really nice. Thank you.” Wanda waved off the politeness, her eyes briefly sliding over to Vision as he took a seat next to her. They shared a silent moment before Wanda turned back and handed over a large plate of vegetables.

“So, it sounds like you have some interesting powers,” Sam said, nudging Bucky towards the empty seat next to Ana. It wasn’t subtle and it made Bucky stiffen uncomfortably. Ana watched the tension build in his jaw. He moved slowly, grudgingly sliding into the empty seat without making eye contact.

“Yeah, I suppose. It’s still growing so there’s new things I’m tapping into.”

“Elemental control is fascinating,” Bruce said, looking up from over his plate.

“What do you mean by ‘new things’?” Vision added.

Ana took a big sip of water to fill the space between the rapid conversation. Finally, she came up for air, feeling the brightness of the spotlight. “Um. Well manipulating the weather is new, but I hear you’ve already got someone who does that. Thor? Where is he?” Ana shovelled a big piece of potato into her mouth and took her time chewing, happy that the attention was now diverted towards the missing members of the team.

The conversation evolved from there and Ana had time to observe the group and their dynamic. It certainly felt different to anything she had ever remembered with Hydra. They were all clearly tightly connected, some more than others. Ana recognised the way Bucky would reach to pass something to Steve as he opened his mouth to ask, or the softly shy looks Nat would occasionally cast at Bruce. The ginger touches that Vision would occasionally steal from Wanda as he handed her something and the rose tint that would bloom on the apples of her cheeks. She enjoyed the energy Sam radiated, confident and commanding as he joked and told stories. But all the while, she couldn’t ignore the magnetic draw of the man sitting next to her. It grew and grew with each passing minute, until an hour slipped by and she found it impossible to focus on anything but the sensation of his thigh parallel to hers. Did he realise how close he was? That he hadn’t looked at her once the entire meal? It had almost reached the most ridiculous point when she could distinguish his smell from amongst the cacophony of Christmas.

“Have you been shown around the grounds yet?” Wanda asked during a break in the conversation.

Ana shook her head, more to shake the obsession from the walls of her mind than anything else.

“Oh, I’ll have to show you, we can go for a walk in the snow!”

It was easy to be around the young woman, Ana concluded. She had sweetness in her smile, ears with genuine interest, and while she talked excitedly down the long lengths of the hall – she wasn’t uncomfortable in the silence that followed. Wanda seemed to understand her hesitation to be touched, but as they stepped out into the frigid white world beyond the facility, she wrapped her arm in Ana’s.

“Don’t worry about the Hydra stuff,” Wanda reassured, as they walked out into the snow together. “My brother and I didn’t get off on the best footing with the team when we first met.” Wanda gave Ana a small smile, aching with pain and fatigue. The young woman suddenly looked older, the worn tattered edges of her soul on display just as honest as her endearing smile had been.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Ana said, squeezing her hand and wishing she had the strength to be as open.

Wanda brushed it off with a shrug. “I try to live every moment for the both of us. But this is no time to be sad, I’ve cried those tears.”

They stood in silence for a moment, enjoying the frozen white landscape. There was barely a breath of wind and the cold air settled against her skin, clinging tightly. Silence seemed to stretch into oblivion. Was the world holding its breath in wait for what came next? What came next? _I guess I could see myself here, with these people. But what after?_ Once Ana figured out the Hydra chapter of her life, would she then move onto her life before? _Did those people miss me? Had they moved on? Ten years is a long time to mourn someone, to hope they might return one day._ She imagined what it might like to have someone care enough that time wasn’t a factor.

Ana heard the door open behind them and the soft chatter float out across the white ocean. Wanda squeezed her arm before removing her gentle touch.

“Bit nippy,” Sam chuckled rubbing his hands together as he followed, Natasha, Bucky and Steve.

“Teams?” Steve asked.

“Oh, we’ll kick your butt.” There was a glitter of hot determination that came from Wanda as she rolled her shoulders and dropped down to pick up a ball of snow.

Ana watched the interaction with amusement as teams were called out and the rules of the snowball fight explained. Ana guessed that with a bunch of enhanced, and especially with her set of skills, rules had to be established or she could just flick her wrist and encase them all in snow. Still, she was happy with Sam and Wanda on her team. _And the chance to see how these people fight._

“Ready?” Steve paused and everyone waited, hovering just above the soft white powder in anticipation. Ana looked up from the still, white world and locked eyes with Bucky. Her breath hitched as he held her gaze, eyes bright and focused on her. “Go!”

There was a flurry of white and a scramble as the teams scattered for shelter and the strongest defensive positions. Ana flicked up a ball of snow and sent it sailing over her shoulder before sprinting towards the tree line. She heard the muted footfalls of Bucky following her. Despite the light-hearted fun of a snow fight, the idea of _him_ chasing _her_ sent a cold volt through her body.

Ana skidded to a stop, going to scoop up a ball of snow and face him when his body hit hers. Her world titled and she felt his hands reach out to catch her as they fumbled and fell into the bushes. Ana gasped; the fear she had felt momentarily replaced with something much more pleasant but equally confusing. His body caged her in as he lay between her thighs, his face centimetres from hers. The soft strands of his dark locks brushed against her cheek as he let out a small, shuddered breath.

“You got me,” Ana said thickly, trying to ignore the heat that suddenly began to pool between her legs. His eyes were dark with something she didn’t want to dig into. _Yes you do._ The very sensation of his body pressed up against hers, had her wanting him. There was the desire to feel nothing more than his hard body between her fingers, her lips… _Did he just bring his mouth closer?_ She couldn’t help but drop her gaze down to his lips, full and slightly parted as the two of them barely breathed. Something compelled her to reach out and touch his jaw. It was the same sensation that begged her to dive headfirst, madly and blindly into the darkness and kiss him.

_“I wished I’d done this sooner.”_

She stirred beneath him and the softest moan escaped his lips, sending shivers down her spine. A look of mortification spilled across his face, but before he could apologise Ana repeated the movement and let her own soft mewl slip. Bucky’s eyes darkened with obvious lust, unhinged and wild. Gingerly he lowered his face to hers. _Oh gods,_ she thought aching her back as his hand slipped underneath and brought her body impossibly closer. It was almost too much, she felt she was drowning in him. But her insatiable thirst had barely been touched. His lips dropped to hers in a grazing touched that burned.

“ANA! We need backup!”

Another wet snowball hurled through the air, splattering against the tree to spray across them.

His lips were gone. The touched that burned against her vanished. Bucky had jumped onto his feet in a flash, one silver hand raking through his hair as he looked away. The air felt frigid, leeching into her bones to ache in her jaw.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky’s voice was tight in the aftermath of their shattered encounter.

With a huff she gathered a big heap of snow and dumped it over his head. _Who cares about the rules._ “Me too,” she grumbled before pushing past him and out into the snowy field to help her new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay people! It's been a wild few weeks, but I've been sooo excited to get this chapter out :D


	4. Questions

**December 26 th, 2014**

Ana caught him the next day in the training room. He was wearing a loose, dark grey t-shirt and shorts. Sweat fell from his brow as his fists destroyed a boxing bag, falling relentlessly against the thing that must have been made of concrete to withstand the force of his blows. Ana recognised the disconnected look of his calm face and saw the flicker of turmoil in his eyes before he paused. He brought his head to rest against the bag, swallowing deep breaths of air before he pushed away with a composed, dead smile.

“Morning,” he muttered, walking across the wooden floor in his bare feet.

She folded her arms, waiting in front of the doorway of the only exit. Bucky seemed to notice, but a determined look crossed his brow and he moved to waltz past. 

“How do you know me?” she asked, taking hold of his arm as he went to pass. The hard muscles beneath his shirt coiled, as if preparing for impact or to strike. Something flickered in his gaze, and before he could speak Ana intercepted. “Don’t you lie to me Bucky. I know you used to work for Hydra. Whatever happened yesterday in the snow was _familiar_. I know you, but I don’t know how.”

“I was brainwashed too, just like you,” he said not budging as she pushed herself into his personal space. “We were both assassins.”

Ana narrowed her eyes at him. These were the excuses she’d heard before, not the revelations she was searching for. “There’s more to it than that.”

He bit down on his bottom lip and looked away from her. If Ana were a betting woman, she would have put money on that look. It was the clearest display of emotion she’d seen from him. Hurt, and fear. “You really don’t remember do you?”

“I wouldn’t be asking otherwise.”

The look vanished and he motioned back to the training gym. “Do a round or two with me, and I’ll answer _some_ of your questions.”

“Fine. That’ll work… for now,” Ana huffed and kicked off her shoes as she followed Bucky to the sparring ring.

He slipped between the ropes and held them open as she followed him. “You can ask a question for every round you can last,” he said, not blanching as she stepped toe-to-toe with him and craned her neck to meet his gaze. It was a move she knew more from instinct than memory had either one of two reactions, especially from straight men. But it almost seemed like this was comfortable, and Bucky didn’t react how she anticipated. “Don’t worry,” he continued with a soft smile. “I’ll go easy on you.”

“Pfft!” Ana let out a rough snort of laughter. “Last time we fought you were at _my_ mercy, and by _my_ good graces I let you live.”

Bucky nodded, unmoved – if not a little smug – at her outburst. For a fraction of a second, he leaned closer, sending her heartbeat into an erratic flutter. Something in his eyes told her he’d noticed the sudden stiffness he’d caused in her jaw. “I know _all_ your moves.” His voice was thick with honey and barely above a whisper, but it shot through her bones like electricity.

Desperate for air, Ana turned on her heel and walked to the other edge of the ring. It felt colder with the absence of his body. _Focus._ His words wrapped around her mind, drawing only foggy conclusions to the forefront and drowning her in possibilities. _Focus._ It sounded like he implied something more. _But that would imply –_

“Ready when you are.”

She whipped around to face him. “Alright, how did I come to work for Hydra?”

The brightness in his eyes went cold and he lowered his body weight into a fighter’s stance, waiting patiently for her to come to him. She huffed, charging forward to meet his defence. He moved fast, incomprehensibly so. Whenever she would throw a punch he was already out of her grasp and prepared for the next. One the rare occasion she actually landed a blow it felt like punching cement. The success was always short lived, followed by the looming threat of his much larger body crushing hers.

“You were set up. They attacked a helicopter that was transporting you behind the lines in Syria. Then they brought you to an underground facility in Cyprus so they could do their experiments.” His voice sounded tight and with considerable restraint he began to attack. Ana knew he was pulling his punches, holding back on the full potential of his ferocious speed.

“Why do you know so much about me?”

He dodged her fist and brought his hands up to catch her leg as she went to roundhouse kick him. They paused for a second, barely breathing as their eyes locked, his large hands so hot and cold against her skin. “Why are you so familiar, but I can’t remember anything?!”

Guilt crossed his bright blue eyes, his fingers gently running across her calf with a touch that made her want to crumble. “Do you know how frustrating this is?!” she snarled, extending her hands and pushing his form away with a blast of air. Twisting her hands, she brought his legs out from under him with another air current. “ANSWER ME!”

Bucky couldn’t meet her eyes as he lay on his back, clearly torn. She prowled closer and closer until she stood over his body. “Look me in the eye and answer my questions, James.”

He looked up to her, wide eyed. “You called me James…”

Something stiff stopped her jaw from working. Her mind fumbled for the memory, for any knowledge of why that name slipped off her tongue. “I just want to know if I can trust you,” she finally confessed, defeated.

Bucky rose to his feet slowly, one hand hesitantly moving to take hers. The way his fingers threaded perfectly through hers made Ana’s heart ache. “You can always trust me.” It was spoken in the voice of a lover, intimate and open, something she truly believed was honest from his lips.

Angrily she pulled her hands away, ignoring the pain that flashed in her chest at seeing the hurt cross his features. “You haven’t proven it.”

“Then let me,” he exclaimed, taking her shoulder, and stopping her from storming away. She watched him scramble for words. “It’s hard to talk about. You might not remember anything, but I remember everything… I did – Hydra made me do a lot of terrible things.”

Ana nodded, watching his face carefully as he slowly began to unfurl.

“We were friends. Two people who were experimented on and forced to do horrible things. You confided in me and eventually I confided in you too. That’s why I know you. But it’s hard to… be open like this, especially when so much has changed.”

There were the faintest snippets that brushed against the cage of her mind, hazy and shy. It only frustrated her more. “I remember you comforting me before going into cyro-sleep.” Her voice sounded small and far away.

_“I know it’s scary. But the ice sleep isn’t that bad.”_

“You always hated going under,” he whispered quietly. “I did too.”

_“Just focus on me. I’ll be there when you go under,_

_and I’ll be there when you wake.”_

“But you always went after me, so I wouldn’t be alone,” she continued as the memory surfaced for air. Ana whipped around to face him, catching the fragile look of pain in his eyes. It tore at her heartstrings, making each beat ache to reach out and be held by him. For some reason, despite the way they acted yesterday in the snow… it felt too soon to voice her suspicions. What if she put a voice to the affections she felt blooming in her chest and he abused it? Ana didn’t want to risk playing all her cards just yet. It was too early to be making rash decisions.

And then a cold reality draped across her shoulders, stilling her hands, and settling her heartache. _Why didn’t you come back for me?_

“They said I was an intelligence officer before I was captured. Special forces,” she said trying to loosen the knot that formed in her stomach. “I was thinking of maybe tracking down the squad I used to serve with. Bruce said it might help with recovering my memory.”

Bucky shifted on his feet, walking closer as he kept his eyes on his hands. “A lot has changed in ten years, but if that’s what you want to do.”

Ana nodded, letting him stand in front of her again. His stupid broad shoulders were almost screaming for her to reach out and touch them. “We need to work on your hand to hand combat,” he continued, filling the silence that followed his last comment. “I can help, if you want.”

They met each other’s gaze, until Ana was sure she was lost in the oceans of his eyes. Hand to hand combat training meant touching, and the idea of his skin brushing against hers sent a tremor of excitement through her veins. “I’d appreciate that. Thank you, Bucky.”


	5. Drunken Memories

**31 st December, 2014**

A knock on her door startled Ana.

“Wanda, Nat! What are you doing here?”

“We’re here to help you get ready,” Wanda exclaimed walking through the front door with an armful of clothes, some boxes, and a big grin. Nat followed, a sheepish smile on her pretty face.

“Ready for what?” It was a stupid question by the expression smeared over Wanda’s face.

“It’s New Years Eve!” she exclaimed, dumping the clothes over the arm of the couch and placing the boxes down on the coffee table.

Ana closed the door behind the women and watched as they both settled in as comfortable as if this was their own room. “Every year Tony holds a big party,” Natasha elaborated. Her gaze slid carefully over to Wanda, as if to gauge her response. Ana saw no reaction and wondered why the spy was being so obvious. “Supposedly it’s a big deal.”

“And I’m invited?” Ana sprawled out onto the floor unceremoniously. Distantly she wondered what she could pull to avoid the affair. Was it too late to feign food poisoning?

Wanda held out a dress, pursing her lips and tilting her head as if it helped concentration. She switched it out for one with a deep sapphire blue colour and her eyes lit up. Nat leaned in and nodded. “Yeah, blue is your colour.”

It was the most definitive answer she was going to get. The evening spiralled into a whirlwind of familiar chatter, clothes, makeup, and because Ana had no glasses vodka was sipped from white mugs with a brazen ‘A’ slapped on the front. The company and the alcohol flushed warmth through her body. It was clear they’d all had darkness in their life, but it didn’t dim the brightness that glowed between them. _Maybe this is where I should be,_ Ana thought as Nat leaned in to apply the last stroke of powder against her cheek. Ana could smell the softness of her perfume and the sweetness of mint and vodka on her breath.

“Прекрасный!”

“A testament to your talent,” Ana diverted and lifted her ceramic mug towards the stunning redhead.

“Let’s go meet up with the guys,” Wanda said nervously pulling at her blouse. The soft shimmering material slipped delicately off one shoulder to elegantly drape down her strong, lean arms.

Ana smiled smugly, spurred on by the vodka. “So, remind an old lady – do they still have midnight kisses?”

Nat’s grin exploded across her face as she hummed in thought. “You know, I haven’t given it much thought. Wanda?”

Wanda stopped fidgeting with the shirt and straightened her back as a violent blush seeped over her cheeks. “Oh, you’re both the worst!” she exclaimed, “Is it that obvious?!”

They all shuffled towards the door, joking and teasing one another like they had been friends from childhood. In the short, natural silence that followed Ana couldn’t help but feel an ache for what she had been missing. _I can’t remember having girlfriends like this, it’s nice._ She wanted the moment to last forever, to never leave the safe protection of their company. No expectations, no hidden history. Just the promise of friendship. To give as much and get as much in return.

The soft din of music wafted down the hallways, somehow the same as she’d always (and yet never) heard on New Years Eve. Something 80’s and soft rock. Hearty laughter rippled off the walls as they entered as Sam and Steve laughed at something Bruce had been saying. Ana caught the way he looked up towards Natasha, the way his expression faltered for a moment as if her very presence consumed all space and time. Did he realise what kind of an open book he was? Her gaze turned towards Bucky who stood beside him, unreadable.

“So, where’s this so-called party at?” Ana asked, twirling Nat on her hand who moved with the grace of a professional dancer. She paused and returned the favour and the blue skirts of Ana’s dress billowed out and up to her thighs.

“Tony Stark’s tower,” Banner said fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt as his eyes shyly shifted towards Nat. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” It almost sounded like a whisper and if Ana didn’t know better, she’d say the assassin was bashful.

Sam walked over, pulling a reluctant Bucky with him. “Drink before we go?” he asked, holding out a flute with golden bubbles.

Ana accepted with a thankful smile. “Cheers… Are these usually big affairs?”

Sam shrugged. “For Tony? No.”

Ana realised as they entered Tony’s tower that Sam was being sarcastic, or at least selective with his wording. A large throng of people lingered by the entrance way, more crowded around the spacious living area, and the bar seemed the busiest of all. Everyone looked like they were either millionaires or wanted one on their arm. The smallest groan left her lips, something she thought that no one would hear. Except Bucky, of cause. He glanced her way and gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Crowds aren’t really my thing either,” he confessed quietly and placed a hand on the small of her back. His touch felt like fire, burning through the fabric of her dress to send tendrils of heat across her body. It rose to bloom across her cheeks.

“Can I be your shadow tonight?” she asked, using the stairs they had begun to climb as an excuse not to meet his gaze. “I guess you make me less nervous.” _Or at least, a different kind. But that one isn’t so unpleasant._

Ana finally dared to look at him, surprised by the easy smile that reached his bright blue eyes. “Anytime.”

Despite it being _Tony’s_ apartment, and it being _Tony’s_ party, and that they were invited by _Tony_ to attend, Ana was surprised when no one pointed him out. Nat mumbled something about him being eccentric and always busy with a new project. She split from them, walking towards a stranger Ana didn’t recognise with a bright smile. And like that, the party she arrived with splintered to rekindle with friends they hadn’t seen in a while. Steve and Sam left for drinks while Bucky and Ana scouted out a seat for the four of them. They managed to find a nice corner by the large glass windows where the lights of New York glittered.

Ana watched as Sam and Steve made their way to the bar, passing men who looked envious and women who looked eager. “I’m not ruining your guys chances of pulling tonight, am I?”

Bucky looked away from the crowd, surprise written across his features before he could replace it. “Ahh,” he mumbled, quickly looking over to Steve and Sam who were now bouncing from interaction to interaction as they brought over some beers. “It wasn’t on my mind.” He gave her a reassuring smile before the others threw themselves down on the couches.

“Man, I love being an Avenger,” Sam chuckled placing down a couple of beers with a wild grin.

Ana grinned back. “I bet the ladies love it too,” she teased taking a swig of the APA he’d placed in front of her.

Sam choked on his liquor and his gaze flickered nervously to Bucky sitting next to her and then back. “I mean, on top of saving the world all the bloody time – it’s not bad.”

Ana chuckled. “What about you Bucky? Would you say you enjoy being an Avenger?”

He shrugged, taking a long sip from the beer bottle. His hands made the stupid thing look small in his grasp, and it frustrated her in ways she couldn’t place.

“What about a drinking game?” she suggested boldly, eager for the man beside her to open up.

“With super soldiers?” Sam shook his head. “Doesn’t work. These guys can drink all of New York dry without a giggle. It’s unfair!”

Ana chuckled lightly, her gaze going over to a sheepish looking Steve. “I’m sensing a story here.”

“Oh, there’s a story,” Steve laughed, taking a swig from the bottle. “An embarrassing story. Do you want me to tell her, Sam?”

“No. Please, we’ve got a good thing going Steve. Of cause, I don’t want you to tell her.”

Ana ran her finger along the top of the bottle and thought hard. “I might be able to help you get even Sam,” she said putting the bottle down. “All I need is a bottle of tequila and some glasses.”

The guys paused, looking a mixture of intrigued and sceptical. “What exactly are you going to do?” Bucky asked, looking over to Steve.

She lifted her fingers and drummed them in the air. “This is going to sound wanky as fuck, but I specialise in controlling the environment around me, right?”

“I don’t quite know where you’re going with this,” Steve confessed.

Ana shrugged. “All you need to know is I can make you two super soldiers drunk if you’re willing to even the playing field.”

Sam seemed ecstatic as the Bucky and Steve shared a silent conversation.

“Okay. We’ll give it a go,” Steve said, looking more convinced than Bucky.

“Awesome! I’ll go get the tequila – don’t worry, I’ll get us the good stuff,” Ana exclaimed jumping up off the couch.

Bucky rose with her. “I’ll come with you.”

She smiled and together they wove their way into the crowd. Despite the press of people, she could always sense _him_ close. The sensation was warm and familiar, making her feel safe – though why she couldn’t place.

They reached the bar and Bucky moved in behind her. “Hey, I wanted to ask you,” he started lowly. The sound of his voice and the way his breath fanned across the bare skin of her neck sent goosebumps across her skin. She turned slightly to look up at him, unsure how he’d react if he saw what he did to her body. “With this drinking game. I don’t think it’s a good idea if I…” he paused, trying to find his words. “It’s not that I don’t want to have fun with you – the group. It’s just I don’t know if I know what an intoxicated Winter Solider looks like. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Ana smiled and brought her hand against his bicep. It felt cool and grounded her. “I would never do anything you weren’t comfortable with,” she said softly as his shoulders relaxed.

Someone moved through the crowd and pushed Bucky forward, his chest pressing against hers. “Sorry dude,” was called out from some unseen stranger and the heat began to settle on her cheekbones.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, one hand going to rest against the bar so that his body, still against hers, protected her from the press of the crowd. Ana smiled, looking away from his eyes before she got completely lost in them. “What about just a couple, at the start. Pace me out.”

Ana frowned. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured into-”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” he said sternly. “If it’s getting too much, I’ll let you know.”

The bartender finally came to them and with a wide grin asked what he could get for them.

“What kind of Añejo Tequila do you have?”

_“You’re going to love it, trust me amor.”_

_“Añejo – old? Like me?”_

_“You’re beautiful, silly.”_

“That sounds fine,” Bucky said. One hand on her shoulder as she swayed against his back. The hum of people surrounding her rushed back, making everything seem harsh in comparison to the memory. Her head throbbed distantly as her mind scrambled to place images to the creeping heat. _Is that thunder I hear in the distance?_

“I’m serving you, but she shouldn’t have anymore,” the barkeeper said placing the bottle and five glasses, one filled to the brim with lime wedges, down on the bar before moving along.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, rubbing at the knot in her shoulder. His touch suddenly felt like a betrayal.

Ana pulled away and nodded sharply, as if the action would dislodge the memory. “It’s nothing.” It didn’t sound convincing, but the man behind her didn’t press any further as they walked back to the couch.

“Okay, so how does this work?” Sam asked, grinning eagerly between Steve and Ana.

Ana poured four shots, looking over to Bucky briefly as she capped the bottle. He nodded. “Alright, boys,” she said and brought a hand over two glasses. With a swirling motion, she focused on doubling and reducing. The sweet amber liquid barely moved in the glass with the exception of a small tremble. It grew more and more aromatic, vanilla and floral. “Okay, try that,” she said pulling her hand away.

They picked up the glass and sniffed. “Bottom’s up,” Sam said lifting his own glass to cheers.

Everyone met the glass, but as the two super soldiers lifted the glass Ana and Sam watched the amber liquid slide down their throats before following.

_“This is actually nicer than I thought! It’s kinda sweet.”_

_“Well, it’s my favourite_

_and we both know how much I love sweet things.”_

“Damn Ana, what is this?” Sam said pulling the bottle towards him for a closer inspection.

Steve looked from the glass, to Bucky, and then back to Ana. “I think it worked a little.”

Ana formed a smile that she hoped looked less like the grimace she felt it was. Something about this particular drink was bringing back memories, flickers of emotions that boiled beneath the surface. Her fingers itched to reach out and touch the silhouette that escaped her gaze. Who was this person to her?

“Ana?”

She lifted her head and nodded, eagerly. The reaction was enough to sate Sam who began explaining the mechanics of the simple game. Bucky was harder to please, his hand hovered close to her knee where he had just lightly reached out to tether her back to this world. _Focus Ana. You can get answers here._

Ana poured out another round of shots and worked on extracting, doubling, reducing.

“Easy. So, I’ll kick us off. Never have I ever shouted the words, ‘on your left,’ multiple times to the same guy.”

Steve threw him an incredulous look before tossing the shot back. Ana replaced it with another as she pondered her question. _Ease into it. You have all night._ “Well. Never, in my memory, have I ever had to fight extra-terrestrial life.”

Steve looked over to Bucky for support, and then to Sam. “Just you wait,” he chuckled humourlessly, tossing back the shot and managed to look only slightly repulsed. _Okay, so no aliens against Hydra… Possibly for Hydra?_

Ana replaced his shot, setting the glass of lime wedges and a saltshaker she’d nabbed from the bar in front of him as well. “Salt and a chaser might make it easier,” she suggested smugly.

“Your turn Bucky,” Sam said, grinning like a kid at Christmas.

Ana dared to look over to Bucky’s face, watching the way his bright blue eyes narrowed in thought. “Uh… I haven’t-“

“It’s ‘never have I ever,’” Sam stressed, interjecting with enthusiastic cheek.

Bucky tried to look amused, the words “Never have I ever,” straining from his lips like they were going to slowly poison him. There was a pause before a sly smile reached his eyes. “Never have I ever been wanted by the Filipino government.”

Everyone looked at one another, but Bucky’s eyes never left Ana. She shrugged. “What’s that look supposed to mean?”

Bucky returned the casual shrug. “You wanted me to tell you about your past. You were – are still probably – wanted by the Filipino government. Just so you know.”

“Drink,” Steve exclaimed, and pointed at the full shot glass in front of Ana. _Well this is one way._

“Are you going to tell me why?” she enquired tossing back the strong amber liquid.

_“You don’t want to know about that!”_

_Laughter. Thunder._

_“You really are a fool, aren’t you?”_

“You don’t want to know the details,” Bucky teased, pouring Ana another drink. She could smell him, like leather and rain. Without thinking her hand brushed out to touch his hand. The sensation of his skin against hers sent a flush of fire across her palm. It dulled the fog clinging to her mind and the ache that throbbed against her skull.

The conversation had already moved on and Ana moved to take her hand back, but Bucky slipped his fingers into hers. His larger, warmer hand grounded her. _Focus._

“Never have I ever arrived home in nothing but my underwear,” Steve said, looking pointedly at Sam. “It’s story, I think you would like to know the details about,” he continued and looked over to Ana with an excited smile.

“Okay, okay. Fair game,” Sam said taking the shot quickly and pouring himself another. “No need for theatrics.”

The rounds continued and Bucky had her drinking with every one of his turns, providing strange snippets of a life that sounded bizarre without the thread connecting them. With every drink she felt the humidity grow and her mind grew fuzzy on the fringes which was a pleasant distraction from the thunder rattling inside. She swayed, giggling at something Steve and Sam were bantering about. Gently Bucky ran his thumb across the back of her hand and across her knuckles with a softness that felt too intimate for friends. It made the words she wanted to say sticky in her throat. His vibrant blue eyes were watching her again, hooded with some memory he didn’t want to share in front of his friends. Gingerly she looked over to him. _It’s the alcohol,_ she tried to rationalise the look he was giving her. There was a voice pressing at the edges of her consciousness, but the way he was looking at her was all she could bare. His touch…

“ANA! DANCE WITH US!”

She tried not to jump like she’d just been shot with electricity. Her hand was pulled away from his as Wanda pulled at her other. And then she was amongst the throng of people, on her feet dancing to a song that thudded against her chest. She felt like a ship with no anchor on a stormy night. Nat twisted in front of her, red hair falling lightly against her slender neck.

_Dark brown locks. The fringes sticking to his neck._

_“Do you feel the storm?”_

_“It’s getting closer.”_

A hand brushed against her shoulder, leaving a trail of fire. Ana tried to focus, her mind drowning her as the humidity clung to her throat, compressing her chest.

_The heat clung to her body._

_His hands never seemed satisfied with staying still._

_Running down her back._

_Over her arms._

_Through her hair to cup her jaw._

_Pulling her close to kiss her softly._

_“We shouldn’t be doing this.”_

_The guitars were joined by the chorus of insects and nightlife of the jungle._

_“I can’t help myself.”_

_“What if they find out?”_

_“Amor, nothing will keep me from you.”_

_The rain began to fall._

“I’ll just be a second,” Ana managed brushing away from concerned looks and slipped through the press of bodies. Her throat, her mind, her body felt choked at the fragment forcing through the darkness of her mind. The humid night was too much. She needed to feel the rain of the thunderstorm against her face. Without caution she threw open the balcony door and stepped out into the frigid air.

She leaned against the railing and forced deep, even breaths in through her nose and out her mouth. _Breathe. Focus._ The pain in her head was growing unbearable. It was becoming more and more tempting to lie down in front of a bus or a train and let it run over her head.

“Ana, what’s wrong?” his voice slipped through the darkness before his hands wrapped around her shoulders and eased her body against his chest. She didn’t resist Bucky’s touch. It felt natural to slide her own hands around his waist and rest against the hard muscles of his back. Somehow it eased the blistering on her brain. The dim fog lifted, and she felt the cold wintery air of New York. 

Inside an excited bubble of chatter erupted in the silence that the music left. Then as if on cue the apartment began to count down.

“Twenty! Nineteen!”

Ana looked up and caught the concern in his eye. “Sorry,” she said and felt foolish at once. _Sorry for what?_

He tucked a wild strand of her hair behind an ear, fingertips dancing against the edge of her jaw to tip up towards his face.

“Ten! Nine!”

Ana felt the chaotic swarm of butterflies let loose in the cage of her ribcage. The way his large open palm held the curve of her back, pressing her ever so insistently against his chest. She was certain that the fierce pace of his heart was what she felt against her own open palm.

“Three! Two! One!”

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

The apartment seemed to rumble with joy. “Happy New Year,” Ana said breathlessly.

“Happy New Year, Ana.” He was leaning down. Her hands felt clammy, her throat scorched and dry. Quickly she pushed up onto her toes and placed a rushed kiss against his cheek. It almost hurt to breathe, to be this close to him and breathing him in. Her lips felt like fire and frozen from where she’d kissed his cheek, scratchy from the whiskers of his beard.

**BANG!**

**BANG! BANG!**

**BANG!**

She flinched, and instinctively his arms wrapped around her body tightly. “Fireworks,” he said softly into her ear. The sounds rolled across the sky, echoing in her bones, in her mind. Ana wanted to dig her way into his embrace and never leave. He seemed alright with the way she clutched tightly against him, his body sheltering her. “I used to love fireworks,” he confessed.

“Me too.”


	6. Openings

**January 20 th, 2015**

It felt good to fight. It felt great as her muscles hardened, her mind, and her focus too. They moved like lightning. Striking and blocking without direct conscious thought. Instinct drove her reactions as her body moved to a familiar dance. It toyed more and more with her as the days after the party faded together. He’d returned to treating her with sterile interaction. Any progress she thought there might have been felt feeble between her fingers.

_Would it have been different? If I’d kissed him then, or in the snow? Would he have opened up and revealed everything?_

He moved in, as if sensing her distracted thoughts. The way his body moved brought a dangerous thrill up her spine. He was dangerous. Deadly. Her stance took the defensive and her arms struggled to block his blows. But there was an opening coming up, she knew from instinct and slipped out of his towering presence.

“When we fight,” Ana said, stepping backwards to breathe in the clear air. Being so close to him was beginning to mess with her head. “I feel like my body knows you, but my mind doesn’t.”

His jaw tightened, and for a second it seemed like his guard was lowered. “We used to train together. Often.” Bucky looked down to his hands. “For a while we did a lot of missions together as well.”

“Why did we stop doing missions together? What changed?” She felt her pulse skip as he looked up and met her gaze. For a second, it looked like he was going to answer.

“I think that’s enough questions for now,” he grumbled thickly.

He moved towards the door, but she blocked his exit. “How am I supposed to trust you when you’re holding back from me? This isn’t just about you, Bucky. These aren’t secrets – it’s my past!”

Bucky tried to sidestep her, but she planted herself in the doorway. “There are some things you don’t want to remember.”

“Let me decide that for myself.”

With a huff his hands came to her waist and he lifted her up and out of the way. She wrapped her legs around his waist and a crack rang through the training room as her open palm connected hard with his cheek. A look of shock flashed in his bright blue eyes, quickly followed by a glint of admiration.

“Not a lot of people would dare,” he threatened, with his hands still burning a mark against her waist.

She reached behind her and pushed a current of air, sending Bucky staggering backwards until his back hit the mat on the floor. “I deserve to know, Bucky.”

Ana looked down on him, his lips close enough to lean down and kiss. _Would that change things?_ She could feel his chest against hers, those goddam large hands of his still holding her waist. The glint in his eyes had died, now only sadness lingered. “We changed,” he said thickly. She frowned, not moving as he stewed over his next words. “ _We changed,_ ” he seemed to implore, looking up to her eyes.

“Bucky, I don’t understand,” Ana huffed, shifting her hips as he went rigid underneath her.

“We were both taken from our lives by Hydra,” he started slowly. For a moment he couldn’t meet her gaze in the silence, and then when she thought he would say no more he meet her gaze. “I started to care about you, we became close… Then one day we were on a mission and,” his hands tightened around her waist and he quickly pulled away his metal grip. The metallic whirl grew until she brought her hand against his jaw in a touch she hoped was calming. “No one cared until I started to put you before the missions.”

The look in his eye said it all. “So, we were an item.” It fell from her lips as a statement, feeling frightening the second it touched the air. Thoughts were just thoughts. Not truly real until they were uttered or actioned.

He nodded stiffly.

“Why not just tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to feel pressured into anything, I wanted you to know for yourself.”

Ana nodded, pushing herself off his body quickly to pace. _It feels so real. I’d suspected it for a while now, so why is it still… but I don’t know if I can…Decisive. Be direct about… what do I want?_ She looked to him, slowly pushing himself into a sitting position on the mat. The slump of his shoulders oozed defeat. _I should be able to trust him. It shouldn’t feel so ridiculous to let him in. You’ve been toying with this stupid thought for weeks._ Ana looked away, down to her hands.

“It still stands,” he muttered, watching her pace to-and-fro. She whipped her head back to him with a questioning gaze. “I don’t want you to feel pressured-“

“I just think,” Ana said quickly interjecting, only to stop short. _Just trust him. You trusted him before, why not now?_ She swallowed the lump in her throat. “It’s not easy for me trust, and right now I don’t think I can put all of me out in the open.”

Bucky gave her a small, sad nod. “I want you to know that I’m here for you, if you need it.”

She shook her head angrily. “Bucky, I need more than you lending an ear or being there to hold.” Ana dropped down to the mat and ran her fingers through her hair.

“You need answers… I understand.”

She looked up at him, frustrated until she saw the torment on his face. “I get that it won’t be pretty. And I know it’s not easy on you.”

They sat apart, watching each other from across the training mat with sad eyes. Ana couldn’t help it. It was a stance she wasn’t going to slip from. She had to be unapologetically firm or her history would always be the property of someone else. It would be easy to give in, to just accept affection and be held and cared for. And she wanted that… but not as much as answers.

“What if once a week, for an afternoon…” Bucky paused, clearly torn between an urge to never remember and to comfort her. “We get out of the facility. I’ll tell you about Hydra and answer your questions.”

A ripple of joy flushed through her body. “That sounds amazing.”

“On one condition.” There was a shy smile fighting its way onto his face, breaking through the black and bleak. “The rest of the week we try to get to know each other, as we are now.”

Ana held his gaze, watching his hopeful expression. “Deal.”

~O~O~O~O~O~

**February 20 th, 2015**

“So, do you guys ever fight bad guys?” Ana asked.

Steve, who sat across the kitchen bench from her, paused with his spoon held limply between his fingers. His expression moved from disbelief to humour. Admittedly, world ending events had been lacking lately. It had been a pleasant respite from what was beginning to feel like a constantly escalating series of events. Whether correlation or causation of having Ana around – it hadn’t been mentioned.

Ana grinned at Steve as she swayed around the kitchen, grabbing a mandarin and tossed it in the air to catch.

“You’re in a good mood,” he observed, returning to his cereal.

Ana nodded, “It’s Wednesday. Wednesday is always a good day.”

Ever since her talks with Bucky, her headaches had lessened and then finally – for the first time since she woke up from ice sleep – they hadn’t happened for a whole week. The uncertainty she felt caging her chest was easing. With each stolen touch and soft smile, she melted into his compassion. True to his word, Bucky had answered her questions. All her questions. At times he struggled, she watched the way it affected his body and surely his mind. She felt nothing other than admiration for how bravely he carried it on his shoulders for her. They grew closer and closer, and within the month it seemed impossible to be separated from him. She knew the moment he walked into the room and the moment he left. Instead of making her feel foolish for her initial suspicions, he always had a way of reassuring her that it was the right thing at the time. There was never pressure to be more or do more than they simply were at that moment. And they hadn’t ever tried to be anything more than that. Despite it all, she didn’t have the strength to name the growing affections in her heart.

“Where are you guys going today?” Steve asked, spooning the cereal into his mouth.

Ana shrugged. “It’s Bucky’s turn to choose.” She flashed Steve a smile as he watched her peel the mandarin and toss pieces up into the air to catch in her mouth.

“You make him happy too, you know.”

The little orange slice bounced off the corner of her mouth as she tried, awkwardly, to hide the shock that rippled across her features. The man didn’t even have the audacity to be amused, he simply went on eating.

“Morning Steve,” Bucky said walking in through the doorway with a smile that said he’d heard the last few remnants of their conversation. The twinkle in his bright eyes said he’d seen her reaction. “Ready to go?”

“Yup,” Ana croaked quickly and didn’t wait for him to follow her out into the hallway. She walked fast knowing he’d catch up easily. They’d always taken the path up the back of the compound and into the surrounding forest. Somehow the act of walking in nature made it easier to speak about the past and deal with the memories when they crashed against her. They’d only ever stopped twice.

Once, when she’d asked Bucky about the mission that had made Hyrda separate them. He’d gone dark, painfully calm as his metal arm reached out and gripped a fallen log. She’d stepped back and listened to the metallic whirl and the crunching of wood between his fingers. Several moments of heavy breathing passed before he shook his head, not meeting her eye. _“Don’t ever ask me about it again… Please.”_ The way he implored her was what really frightened her. Previously he’d been open about the other missions and the dark manner of what they had done. This was different. This would unleash the weaponised part of him. The Winter Solider.

The other time had surprised her. They had been walking in silence. Sunlight filtered weakly through the dead fingers of the trees above. A bird had called out a sweet song and the distant traffic of a highway sounded faint like the bubbling of a river. She’d looked up from the forest floor and felt her world tilt. Behind her closed eyes she saw three of her companions in front of her, felt the weight of her heavy pack and the ache of her feet in her boots. They’d been hiking hard all day, barely outrunning the cartel hunting them. The man in front of her turned and for the first time in a memory she saw a face clearly. _Warm eyes. He had wonderful warm eyes._ And with his disarming smile she’d dropped to the forest floor and sobbed for something she had no idea she’d lost.

“Ana, this way.”

She shook her head and paused. _Focus._ Bucky stood at the door to the garage, waiting expectantly. “What?”

He smiled at her, smug that he’d caught her unaware and assuming. “I’ve got something different planned, come on.”

Ana turned and slowly approached, a skeptical grin inching onto her face despite her best efforts. “Bucky you’re full of surprises aren’t you,” she teased and let him hold open the door for her. His bright blue eyes never leaving her as she walked into what really should have been called a small hangar of cars and jeeps. “What is this plan of yours?”

“It’s been a while since either of us has properly left the compound,” Bucky said elusively and motioned her towards a jeep. The sound of his keys was muffled in the thickly lined pockets of his jacket.

Ana nodded. “Because we can assume Hyrda is still looking for both of us. Plus, I’m apparently still not good enough for the Avengers squad.” _If you’d let me use my powers, I’d demolish you._

Bucky chuckled, “It’s just the quiet season.” He held the door open for her and she bowed mockingly before jumping up into the passenger side.

“So, you going to tell me where we’re going?” Ana probed again as he swung effortlessly into the driver’s seat.

“Seatbelt.”

Ana huffed and clicked the strap over her chest. “Dangerous driver.”

He grinned at her and started the engine. “It’s a surprise. You’ll like it, trust me.” Bucky placed a hand on the back of her chair and looked over his shoulder as he reversed the jeep. Ana could feel the nervous pulse of her skin as if any second his hand would fall through the fabric of the seat and instead cup the base of her skull. When she squirmed in the seat his eyes flickered over to her before focusing on the task at hand.

“Hmm, do I get any hints?”

His fingers brushed against her hair as he brought his hand back and changed gears. “You know, even if you guess it, we’re not getting there any faster?”

Ana turned to him and raised an eyebrow expectantly. “Where would James Buchanan Barnes take a girl for-“

“Okay, okay if you’re just going to tease me then-“

“Oh, tease you? Come on Bucky I just want a hint. What else are we going to talk about?”

He shook his head as they left the compound and he put his foot to the floor. The engine roared and they hit the empty road. “Fine. You want a hint?” Ana nodded as his eyes briefly flickered over to search her face. She could sense the nervous energy dance across his skin. “It’s somewhere I used to go a lot.”

“Why?” Ana asked, not taking her eyes off him as his grip shifted on the wheel.

Bucky shrugged, but in the silence that followed he sighed. “It reminded me of you. I thought you’d like it. So, I’d go there when I missed you.” There was a hint of heat rising up his neck to settle on his cheeks, only obvious because of the darkness of his beard.

Ana smiled, unable to squash the swelling of her chest when he turned to gauge her reaction. “Why didn’t you come back for me?” she asked quietly and watched the electric nervousness disappear as another emotion appeared. The air in the Jeep went cold.

Bucky shook his head and eased his foot off the gas. “I did. After the incident with SHIELD, when Steve pulled me out of that brainwashed state… I looked for you, but everywhere I went they’d emptied out the bases.” He paused, breathing hard as his eyes glazed over. “Once I thought I’d found you dead.”

Ana swallowed hard and moved her hand over to touch his thigh. He didn’t jump, but he blinked hard as if fighting away tears and focused intently on the road. “I didn’t know.”

“Did you think I just left you?” He looked away from the road, his gaze heated and angry. It was too much to meet his eye. “Ana-“

In the distance there was an angry buzz, and then suddenly it was above them. The wind from the jet whipped angrily at the dead trees and Ana felt it rock the Jeep. Bucky huffed and pulled over to the side as his phone began to ring. “What?” he snapped into the receiver.

Outside Nat dropped to the ground and tapped on the window. “We’ve got a mission; you need to come with us.” She was suited up in a tight black bodysuit and there was a sternness that Ana hadn’t witnessed from her before.

“Okay. I’ll meet you back at the-“

“We need to go now, you don’t have time,” Nat pushed folding her arms and stared him down. But Bucky was getting more irritated.

“Let me at least drive Ana back to the compound.” It sounded more like a growl than a request.

“Bucky, we don’t have time. Ana’s a big girl, she’ll be able to drive back by herself.” Nat didn’t have time for it. Ana understood the reason for haste, but it still stung. “Now!”

And this time he did growl, turning away from the red head with a muttered curse on his lips. “I’m sorry, Ana.” He reached over and squeezed her hand for a moment before his eyes reached hers.

She tried to smile, feeling odd at watching him leave for a mission when moments ago it felt like they had been joking around. “It’s okay. Go, I’ll be fine.” He nodded once as his eyes searched her face, as if trying to remember it before going into a deep sleep. “Just be safe.”

“Now guys! Come on! You can kiss your girlfriend when you get back,” Nat huffed angrily clapping outside the car like a schoolteacher trying to get a class to copy her. Ana watched it stir a vein in Bucky’s neck.

And just like that he pulled his hand away from hers and slipped out of the car without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh! What's gonna happen next??   
> Thanks for reading this far, I have so much planned for this story and can't wait to share it with you :D


	7. Andes

_“Just focus on me. I’ll be there when you go under,_

_and I’ll be there when you wake.”_

_The numbness eased, lacing her body with icy pinpricks. The world was blurry, drunk with a vicious roar that seeped from the earth. Beside her a chunk of concrete hit the floor, erupting in a spray of pieces. One flew past her face, tearing at the soft flesh of her cheek._

Danger.

_It ripped her from the groggy sleep. All around her the world was being shaken violently. The facility around her was being torn apart. She could hear screams, gunfire, shouted orders. People in black ran around like ants_

_“Agent, get me out of here!”_

_Ana turned to the lanky lab rat next to her. She couldn’t place her innate disgust for the man, but the sight of him repulsed her. Somehow this stranger was someone she knew, and didn’t trust. She watched him fidget as the world rocked wildly beneath their feet. She could see the nervousness cross his features as she took her time to watch him._

_“No.”_

_“No?”_

_Ana stepped away on unsteady feet as the earthquake stopped. There was silence in the aftermath of the violent attack. The echo ringing off the high walls._

_The lanky lab rat prowled after her. “You are a Hydra agent. You don’t have the luxury of 'no.’ We'll hurt him; I have that power.”_

_Ana shrugged. “Hurt who?”_

_“Don’t let them know what you remember…”_

or don’t.

_She caught his suspicious gaze from the side of her vision. Her head pounded relentlessly. “You decide.”_

_“Look, fuck off alright.”_

_He grabbed her arm. The touch was clammy and it sent a shiver of fear up her spine. The man saw it in her eyes and grinned viciously. Instinctively she brought her fist up, feeling the heat of fear and anger rush through her. He flinched as she brought her flaming fist against his nose_. I’m on fire… _She couldn’t pause to stop her attack. Ana could hear the chatter on the balcony above her. She could feel the eyes and seconds later a spray of bullets scattered around her. Her vision blurred, bubbling behind a frightened torrent of tears. And still she couldn’t stop. It wasn’t just her fists engulfed in flame now. It laced throughout her body, burning at her clothes and tightening her lungs with smoke. She could smell the sick stench of burning hair. And still she battered the monster before her. His screams only urging her on. She wanted to make him beg, and it burned throughout her._

~O~O~O~

**February 23 rd 2015**

It had been three days without any word from the team since they left. Ana had spent that time like death lingered in the shadows. She trained as much as she could, filling every moment of the first day with as much as her body could take before it broke. It should have been easy to sleep that evening in the wake of aching muscles, but when it failed she put a paintbrush between her fingers. It was a gift that Nat had brought for her so that was supposed to help her memories. “ _Art Therapy_ ,” she’d called it. Now Ana had useless pages of colours. Smears that reminded her faintly of a jungle, others of a hangar she’d never visited or a room she’d never slept in. _But I know them._

By the third day all she could feel was the frustration of a girl who’d had a one-night stand and was never called back. The irritation bit into everything she did, making her brittle to her bones. _Why haven’t they called? Did none of them think to consider getting in contact?_ It made her angry that she even cared. A few months ago, these people were nothing to her. A fiery itch dug into her veins, lodging itself like a parasite of anger that consumed all other rational thought. She wanted nothing more than to fire bend, to feel the hot flame purge all thoughts of him and the audacity he had to leave her. 

The next day she was glad she hadn’t. Instead she’d floated in the indoor pool and meditated. Ana had tried to find the strange man in her memories, but his face had already clouded in her mind. In his wake she found herself daydreaming instead of Bucky’s bright blue eyes and the sensation of his hands on hers, her hips, her cl… _Oh wow._

And by the fifth she was worried. “Why haven’t they called in?!” she’d cried out, angry at herself for being so much like a yappy pup with separation anxiety than a fully capable woman.

“I’ve heard no news, I’m sorry Ana,” Friday had explained in sympathetic tones.

And there had been no news. There was nothing on the television, nothing in the papers, the internet stupidly useless. _Why are you feeling like this? You’re so unnecessarily nervous. You’re a fool._ She paced the hallways in search of answers. She pushed at the insecurity that festered inside of her and hoped for some reveal. Instead an ache began to form in her head. She tugged at the threads, hoping for a memory to unravel and validate her feelings. _Please,_ she begged. _Anything. At this point I’ll take anything._

A sixth day passed, and she didn’t move from the bed. Her brain ached with unrelieved pressure. It pulsed through her body, crippling her. It was one of the longest days of her life.

By the seventh it had eased with an idea. She’d crawled out of the bed and sat at the bottom of the shower as hot water fell over her useless body. The ache had swallowed her and now she felt it resonate in the door handle. As if any moment someone might open it and free her. Ana tried to imagine what she wanted to walk through that door more – all of her history, clean with no conditions, or that stupid idiot Bucky.

“I’m not letting them leave me behind again,” Ana realised and with an effort turned the shower off. For a long while she couldn’t find it in her to get up. _Would it have been different if I’d kissed him?_ She thought. _Or would it be worse? I’d probably still be sitting at the bottom of the shower, stupid with the thought of him hurt that…_ Ana blinked away the sudden tears and the distinct sensation of dread pooling at the bottom of her stomach.

She’d dressed haphazardly and stumbled out into the hallway. _I’ll just borrow a computer and do a little research,_ she thought. _Something to release the pressure. Something about who I used to be before Hyrda fucked me up... Something about the Andes._

“Ana? I have been asked to let you know that the team is returning.”

She paused. “Are all of them okay?” A pressure welled in her chest, forcing air from her lungs as she waited, hooked on a hope. “Friday!”

“Yes, they’re all okay. Only minor injuries. They’re landing now.”

Her heart hammered. “Where?” It didn’t matter, her sense of direction suddenly failed. Friday directed her down the long hallways and Ana tried not to burst into a run. She’d been grateful she hadn’t when Wanda walked past, a tired smile and dirt smeared on her face.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Ana said, pulling her in tightly for a hug without second thought.

Wanda had returned the smile and nodded over Ana’s shoulder. “He’s been going mad waiting to see you.”

Ana turned around quickly, ignorant to the sweet smirk that crinkled the edges of Wanda’s eyes. The world seemed to fall away as she watched him standing at the end of the corridor. _Gods he looks exhausted._ Bucky had only just seen her and she saw how it sent a wave of calm over his body. He strode closer, nervously whipping his hands on his dirty trackpants.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Ana asked before he’d even reached her. She felt flustered and suddenly self-conscious.

“I’m fine,” he said gently and came to a stop in front of her. _Was he always this tall?_ Ana thought looking across his chest and up to his face. He brought one hand up to a dark wet patch that stung with a copper aroma. “Everyone is fine. It’s a long story.”

Behind him Steve flashed her a tired smile before disappearing down a hallway towards the gym. Now they were the only ones in the hallway. “Can we talk?” She fumbled with her hands anxiously as she stood before him.

He still had blood on his shirt, despite trying his best to hide it and there was a tiredness in his eyes that Ana thought sleep wouldn’t completely fix. But he nodded and pulled a weary, genuine smile onto his face. His voice was tender and soft. “Always.”

She wanted him to reach out and trail his fingers across her temple down to her jaw so she could lean into his touch, but he stayed still. It was nerve wracking. She dropped her gaze, unable to look at him and speak. “I was so worried,” the words fumbled from her lips. She hadn’t planned on making this a speech. She hadn’t planned anything, and now she wished she had as words scattered away from her grasp.

“I know you’re strong and you are the most capable person I know, but I was still worried. And when I dig into why it was driving me mad, being stuck here while you were out on a mission… I – I.” Ana paused, daring to look up at him. He seemed confused, optimistically hesitant. She drew a deep, grounding breath and leapt from the ledge with maddened faith. “I…” There was no air in her lungs, the simple words she wanted to say itched at her throat and died on her tongue. And he was looking at her, truly, deeply focused on her. _I’m making a fool of myself._ “I missed you,” she managed, defeated.

He looked dazed for a second. Her chest tightened until it couldn’t bear another beat. _Just say it, get it out. “I want you. I want us.”_

Without warning he stepped forward and wrapped her in his embrace. His gorgeously large hands wrapped around her waist, slipping over her back as he pulled her into a tight hug. A lightness filled within her, sending her on a dizzy trajectory as she felt his lips brush against the crown of her head. “I missed you too.” She heard the soft beat of his heart as it skipped.

“Please don’t leave me behind again,” Ana said, surprised at the vulnerability she’d so openly exposed. She wanted to bury herself into his chest, to avoid that sharp all-knowing gaze he would give her. But that would be a weakness she never wanted to show anyone. So, when he pulled away, she let him, shuffling back a step as his blue eyes fell on her cheek and a hollow look replaced the warmth that had been there. Gingerly he reached out and ran his thumb across her cheekbone, rubbing away the copper smear of blood.

“Can we walk?” he asked quietly. “It helps after a mission. I can think clearer.”

“Sure. A walk sounds good.”

He smiled and made a small move to take her hand before pulling away and quickly shoved his hands into the pockets of his black cargo pants. Ana tried to let her tongue run away on her, to confess the feelings that made her want to reach out and take his hand. She stole a glimpse up to his face and when he caught the movement, he smiled at her.

“Do you want to talk about the mission?” she asked quietly as they rounded the corner and stepped into the foyer. Thick sheets of rain lashed against the large windows in rolling gusts. His shoulders slumped.

“We don’t have t–“

“I don’t mind the rain.”

He shook his head. “No, you’ll get sick. What about a drive?”

She drove, waving to Mike at security before hitting the open road. Some indie rock song played gently on the radio as they sat in silence before Bucky asked her to turn off onto a dirt path. It was moderately maintained but the rain did wonders at hiding the large potholes and she muttered her cruses at every rough bump and groan of the capable jeep. Bucky didn’t hide the amused grin that spread from his eyes to curve at the corners of his lips. Finally, they reached their destination overlooking the sweeping American landscape. Ana turned off the engine and the only other sound was the occasional squelch of the window wipers that accompanied the downpour.

There was something magnetic about his silence. Or maybe that was just what he was to her, magnetic with every fiber of his being. She let her gaze slide over to him and caught him staring.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked quietly.

 _Kissing you._ “The Andes. You?”

He slumped further into the seat, a detached look crossing his features. It stung. “What do you remember before Hydra?”

Ana frowned, but before she could respond he had added quickly, “Honestly.” There was something more to it, more than she could properly piece together.

“There are some moments I remember clearly for – well, a moment. Most of it feels like visiting an art gallery of an artist you don’t know. There’s an army hanger, an old car, faces that get harder to remember the harder I try.” Ana shrugged, looking down to where his hand rested against the top of his thigh. He had turned to watch the rain trail down the passenger window.

“Do you remember the Andes well?”

Ana closed her eyes and pictured the mountains, the strokes of a sunset casting everything in gold before the muted purples swallowed the landscape. “Just a sunset, the last rays of warmth on the back of my shoulders… Have you ever been?”

He dropped his eyes and nodded. “A long time ago.”

“Did we ever know each other before Hydra?”

She watched the way his gaze moved to her own hand, resting against the top of her thighs before he shook his head. “Not personally.”

“Professionally?” Ana asked, surprised.

He nodded, shoulders tense. “Yeah. You became a high interest target on Hydra’s radar… I was posted on a recon mission, once, about a year before… before you were taken.”

“When? Where?”

“Ana-“

“ _Please_ , Bucky.”

His bright blue eyes met hers, searching for something she didn’t know before looking out the main window. “It was Colombia, 2003.”

Maybe the revelation was supposed to bring with it a flood of memories. It left her in silence and frustration. There was an un-scratchable itch deep in the base of her brain and a chill that resonated from her stomach.

“There was a thunderstorm. And a band played in the cantina.”

They locked eyes. He knew. Bucky had seen him. “Was he a target?”

Bucky shook his head. Something like sadness and disappointment filled his eyes for a moment before he became unreadable. “I never saw him again.”

She looked away, feeling sick as the rain rattled against the jeep.


	8. Storms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Thanks for all the kudos I really appreciate the boosts of motivation, hope you're enjoying it. Pretty excited of where these next few chapters will go, so I'll be getting another chapter up this weekend. Enjoy!

**February 28 th 2015**

Ice filled her veins, lacing throughout her body to press uncomfortably against her brain. Ana shook her head and released another stony burst of frigid air while trying to ignore the brain freeze creeping across her skull. She could feel Bucky watching her. He’d been waiting outside the door in the hallway for too long and now his pent-up energy was irritating her.

Ana twisted her body, bringing her arm up above her head in a sweeping movement and turned the moisture in the air into tiny icy daggers. With a flick and twist she sent them hurtling through the air and into the mannequin on the far side of the room.

With a shudder she shook the frost from her body. “The room is yours,” Ana said pushing the sleeves of her hoodie back down to her wrists. Her fingers collected a dusting of ice and she rubbed it between her index and thumb before shaking it free. “I’m done for the day.” She couldn’t meet his blue gaze as he stood in the doorway, blocking her exit. _Fuck. I don’t know if I have it in me to do this._

“We need to talk,” he said not moving as she tried to escape around him.

“Okay,” she huffed. “What about?”

He was silent and looking at his stupid army boots meant she couldn’t read the expression on his face. Grudgingly she looked up, unsure of what she would see. “I wanted to talk about yesterday,” he started softly. _Uncomfortable,_ she realised. _He’s actually… nervous?_

“Look, we don’t have to. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it-“

“No, please, Ana. Look, I…” he swallowed hard and looked away. “I was weird about it, because… because I care about you, Ana.”

They both flinched.

**_WHOOOP_ **

**_WHOOOOP_ **

**_WHOOOOOP_ **

**_WHOOOOOOP_ **

“We’ve found our mark folks,” Friday’s calm voice came through the intercom, silencing the short but violent alarm. “Dust off in five.”

Her head reeled. “Bucky-“

“Buck, good. Let’s go,” Steve’s head popped in the doorway momentarily. “We’ve picked him up off the coast, it looks like they’re desperate. He has them heading right into a big storm system.”

Bucky let out a frustrated huff of air and ran a hand through his dark locks. The combination of events was enough to bring a similarly exasperated chuckle onto her lips. He looked up and caught her eye as his own small smile escaped onto his face. Within seconds it had shattered the anxiety that had settled on his features for too long.

“Buck?” Steve poked his head back into the doorway, somehow already suited up.

“Ana is ready,” he replied, turning so he could face both of them. “We’re taking her with us.”

Steve looked from Bucky over to her, firm and unwavering like Bucky’s tone had been. She knew that in the briefest moment they have exchanged an entire conversation. It did little to ease her mind. The idea of another week alone made her want to break.

“We’ll brief you on the jet,” Steve stated. “Suit up solider.”

He turned and strode down the hallway, quickly followed by Natasha.

“Thank you, Bucky.” Ana grabbed his body and pulled him tightly to her. She could feel his heartbeat against her ear and her body melted against his. “You didn’t have to say that.”

His arms moved around her body slowly, almost as if any wrong move would send her away. “You’re ready. You’ve always been ready.” He pulled away slightly and looked down at her. She could feel her breath hitch. _Please_ , she silently begged looking from the softness of his lips to the darkness of his bright blue eyes. Involuntarily his hold on her tightened, drawing her momentarily closer – _so close –_ to his lips. Ana closed her eyes and arched her back so her chest pressed against his.

“I brought your suit, Ana!” Her eyes opened wide and watched him move away from her to the doorway. Wanda stood in it holding a wad of black fabric. She hadn’t quite realised the situation she’d interrupted. _How?_ “You can change on the jet.”

Ana forced her legs to move towards the door. Forced her eyes not to settle on his back as they moved through the door. Forced a smile onto her face, never quite as bright as the sun or Wanda’s. “Thanks,” she said bundling the clothes into her grasp. _What does a woman have to do to catch a break around here?!_

The jet was bustling with noise and movement. No one really cared as she stripped out of her sweats and t-shirt while they took to the air. The tight-fitting black suit was designed for her physic. She was told it was designed with her abilities in mind, flexible and durable for movement and extreme elements. At each hip sat a handgun with a knife in her boot, just in case. As she pulled on the suit she felt an odd calm settle.

She knew this life, even if she couldn’t remember it, her instincts did.

“How do you feel?” Steve asked moving away from the open cockpit towards the belly of the jet.

“Good. What’s the mission?”

He nodded, his gaze shifting quickly to Bucky before returning. “We have a Hydra scientist with knowledge to open a portal. Given our history over New York, our mission is to stop that from happening at all costs.”

_Cold mist._

_Heavy on the dry land._

“Do we know if Bucky or I have connections with him?”

Steve faltered for a moment and Natasha interjected, striding back from the cockpit. “Are you thinking of bluffing him into giving up information? It won’t work with Bucky, but you…”

“It would be dangerous,” Steve interrupted sternly.

Nat nodded. “And so is Ana, that’s why she’s here. Plus, it’s not a bad idea.”

Ana looked over to where Bucky was stiffly inspecting his rifle. Wanda paced at the fringes of the group watching nervously. Steve was sharing a pointed look with Nat, his eyes flicking quickly over to Bucky before returning. _Could they be more obvious?_

“What else do we know about the doctor? A name?” Ana pushed.

Natasha took her hand and lead her over to a seat. “I’ll get you up to speed.” She shook her head at Steve.

He conceded with a nod and one final warning. “This is your first mission with us, we don’t want any unnecessary heroics.”

Nat rolled her eyes as Steve walked away to take a seat next to Bucky. It brought a muffled chuckle to Ana’s lips. Nat flashed her a reassuring smile which lasted for a moment before launching into the debrief. “Our watchdog system warned us of a Hydra agent only referred to as, the Doctor, several weeks ago. Initially he seemed a minor threat – just someone to watch, but last week we were given reports that he was in possession of materials capable of creating a portal. He’s a slimy one, but ultimately, it’s his brain that is the danger. Last week we destroyed a nearly complete gateway but he escaped. Now, intel is suggesting he’s on a container ship in the Indian ocean off the coast of Somalia.”

Ana nodded, absorbing the information. _Who are their informants?_ “How sure are we that he’s our only threat?”

“I had the same worry,” Nat confessed. “At this moment, we’re mostly in the dark. We can assume he’s in a position of middle management within Hydra and I would put money on this being his project – the only chance to prove his worth. He’ll have been protective and possessive over it. If it works and he had given away that information freely – they would probably kill him and move along.”

“But if he’s the only one who knows how to create and manage it, he lives another day.”

“Exactly.” Nat nodded.

“So, we want him alive,” Ana stated. “To see if we can squeeze something out of him.”

“You’re a natural.” Nat grinned, her gaze slipping over to where Bucky and Steve were whispering lowly to each other. “I can see why he adores you.”

Ana turned her head away to hide the sudden flush on her cheeks as Bucky lifted his gaze to her.

~O~O~O~O~

The ride had been so smooth that Ana was beginning to wonder if they had ever left the ground before a sudden jolt made her stagger. Instantly she felt Bucky’s presence behind her. Another jostle happened seconds after and she turned to face him. His bright blue eyes were hard with concern.

“Looks like we’ve hit the storm,” she said, smiling as they dropped a few feet before surging upwards.

“We should sit.”

_“Don’t worry. A helicopter is the safest place to be in a storm._

_And you’re flying with the best.”_

“Yeah. Lets.”

Ana took his hand as the turbulence grew more violent. She could feel the storm’s power thrum through her, radiating in her bones. Volts of lighting streaked through the blackness, unseen from within the belly of the jet, but felt with each leaping heartbeat.

“Once we are over the ship, we’ll have to make the jump to avoid being spotted.” Steve had to lift his voice to be heard over the growing rumble of the sudden storm. “Remember this is covert. And we want the Doctor alive.”

Ana took a seat and Bucky sat next to her, his hand in hers squeezing lightly before he reluctantly removed it to buckle himself in. They had to be over South Sudan by now. It wouldn’t be much longer. There was an anxiousness squirming in her stomach and leaching the warmth out of her body.

_Cold mist._

_Heavy on the dry land._

“Are you sure we’ve never met the target before?” Ana said quietly, looking over to carefully gauge Bucky’s reaction.

She’d watched him close himself off as the flight passed over the Western Sahara until he was an unreadable shell by the time they passed Chad. Now, she barely felt like she knew the lethal man sitting beside her. He searched her eyes and through the crack in the walls of the Winter Solider, Bucky’s light seeped through. “I’d heard of him. But I never met him.”

She looked away and furrowed her brow. _Just because Buck has never met him, doesn’t mean I haven’t._ “What did you hear?”

Bucky shrugged as they hit more rocky air. “The usual bad stuff. I heard his name tossed around with the modification team, but I never met him.”

Ana wracked her brain for some hint she might remember the man. If he had worked on her or Bucky, surely he would have flagged it. “So, a different type of modification? Not on humans?”

Bucky seemed lost in thought. “I never heard of it, but it could be possible.”

Ana nodded grimly. She felt a coldness underneath her skin that she couldn’t shake. It wasn’t nerves, but something just as toxic.

They approached the drop zone quicker than she would have thought. The dark expanse of ocean was swallowed in the storm and when Steve opened the cargo hold to reveal thick sheets of black rain no one seemed eager to launch off the jet. “Our target is 30 degrees down there,” Steve shouted over the wind and jabbed his finger towards the black swarming storm. If it wasn’t an exhausting act (and their only cover), Ana would have tried to fight the giant weather system. A bright scar of light tore through the sky illuminating the black heavy mass of waves far below. Thunder rolled in their bones. “Everyone ready?”

Ana opened her arms to test the webbing of her bodysuit. _Please hold up,_ she begged looking out to the violent storm. _Now or never._

Nat and Wanda dropped off the edge of the jet, leaving just Steve, Bucky, and her. Instinct kept her from pausing at the ledge as the wind and rain lashed against her body. There was a weightless kick that made her stomach roll. It grew as she gathered speed, hurtling towards the container ship being tossed around like it was a toy in a bath. Plunging closer and closer towards the ship Ana watched Nat and Wanda fight to make a clean landing. The waves, the wind… it was all adding up to be a dangerous land.

She summoned up a deep breath through the clenched tightness in her lungs. With a soft exhale she used her fingers to protect the ship from the next battering of waves. She extended her arms to catch the wind and let the soft breath of calm bubble out to encapsulate the group of five plummeting through the storm.

Ana hit the deck a moment after the other women. Nat was already disconnecting the webbing on her suit, a grin on her face.

“You’ll make us soft with all those easy landings,” Wanda chuckled shaking out the tension in her hands.

Ana shrugged, pulling at her own webbing as Steve landed on her left with a THUNK and a roll. Bucky landed milliseconds later with a crunch as his metal arm gripped the deck. _Too loud._ Instinctively Ana dropped to her knee and pushed her hand against the hull of the deck. Closing her eyes, she ignored the thrumming sensation of the rain and the shuddering crashes of the hull against waves. The vibrations sent ripples thought the metal skeleton of the container ship. What she was looking for was much more... Subtle. If anyone was underneath them below deck or near, they would have heard their noisy arrival.

“There’s only 10 on board,” she said pulling away. “Doesn’t appear like we're detected yet.”

“Good, are they gathered or scattered?” Steve slung his shield over his back and drew them into a more sheltered cove amongst the containers.

“Scattered.” Ana spared a look up into the black, swarming mass of the weather system. She hoped that the containers wouldn’t fall. The wind howled here. “We’ve got 2 in the bridge, 2 on deck, the rest are all below and...”

“In two’s...” Steve frowned, looking to Bucky. Ana could feel his presence surround her even though he only crouched at her side.

“We should split up,” Nat said. “We’ll cover more-“

“No.” Everyone looked over to Bucky, his stance tense. It looked like he wasn’t going to explain himself, and Nat interjected.

“Bucky, it’s a simple-“

“This is Ana's first mission. I’m not putting you in the line of fire alone.”

“We don’t have time for this,” Nat huffed, looking over her shoulder into the darkness but not before throwing Steve a particularly pointed look. “Splitting up is a good idea, we’ll cover more ground. And this _isn’t_ Ana's first mission.”

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, but Steve nodded. “Bucky, Nat is right. If we stick to the plan everything will be fine. The longer we argue about this the more danger we’re putting _everyone_ in.”

Ana heard the faint whirl of his metal arm as his hands became fists. She put a hand against his cheek and ran her thumb along his cheekbone. His blue eyes, dark with worry, lifted to hold her gaze. “It’ll be okay.”

“I don’t like it.”

She nodded. “Take the lower deck with me, there are four that are closer together.” She saw a flash of appreciation for her comprise.

“I'll take the bridge,” Steve commented.

Wanda nodded, her fingers twitching in anticipation. “I'll clear the deck.”

“I’ll take below with the others then,” Nat agreed.

“Remember,” Steve said sternly as he rose from a crouch. “Keep him alive at all costs.”

And with that they slunk away in different directions. The storm swallowing their figures.


	9. Cold Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, I'm very rusty this morning - wait is it really the afternoon already?!. Anyways, there's probs gonna be a couple mistakes in here which I'll fix up later. Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

**February 28 th 2015**

“Do we have an update from the cave?” came a gruff, irritated voice. Ana inched closer quietly. She had slunk through into the dark stairwell and the metallic press of steel around her settled on her shoulders. Reaching out through the wall she could feel the warmth of their blood pumping through their body, the muffled vibrations of the engine, the ocean, the wind- She pulled away from those sensations with a ringing in her ears.

“Everything is on schedule. Our agent has successfully begun the activation processes.”

“Good. It will be nearly impossible to stop it now… Any sign of our old assets?”

It sounded like the men were packing up. Ana struggled to hear the shuffling of paper and the frantic tapping of a keyboard. Someone walked closer and her chest thundered wildly.

“Nothing since our last interaction. Galboni is certain she can be reactivated with the right… persuasion.”

“And we have that persuasion?”

“Yes, the sleeping agent is ready.”

There was a crash outside and Ana heard the distinct sound of a dying man’s groan. _Bucky can’t be quiet can he?!_

“Shit. They’re here. Quick.”

Ana swept through the doorway and brought her hands up in a crushing movement. There was the protesting scream of metal moving against its will. The Doctor and his companion were secured with metal up to their thighs. She suppressed a shudder as the Doctor watched her, a wolfish smile growing as she inched nearer.

“The game is up, old man.” Her voice almost faltered. _There’s no need to be worried. Bucky is near, and you can be terrifying._ It was surprising how the simple proximity of Bucky brought her calm. She knew without doubt that he’d tear through the walls if she so much as cried out his name. It thrilled her to have such a dangerous man care about her. _He said he cared_ … _Focus._

“You’re quite a prize,” the Doctor chuckled. His wet tongue slipped over his bottom lip and his beady black eyes narrowed on her. “Hydra want you more than their other toy the Winter Solider.”

 _He’s baiting you. Call him in now._ “Why?”

His gaze dropped from her face down to her chest as a hand itched at his collar bone. “It’s simple. You’re easier to mold. Your memories would return less than his, and before he got in the way you were…” His tongue darted out again and he looked to his companion with a sly grin. “Well…”

Ana frowned and within an instant she had lowered her body, pulling sheets of metal from the walls to snake around the doctor’s wrists. But it was too late, she watched with frustration as the small pill fell from his fingers and into his mouth. In seconds, his slithering tongue lolled out, fat and swollen to accompany the white froth bubbling from his mouth. The foul doctor struggled limply to breath, taking painful gargled breaths as his body twitched in its contorted position.

Ana turned her attention quickly to the assistant as Bucky burst through the door. They were both too late. The air shifted as he chuckled through the froth, “Don’t worry. You’ll die too.” A remote dropped from his fingers as he began to convulse.

“Bomb! Everyone off the ship!” Bucky called in, already moving to take her hand.

Her mind was racing. “Nat’s still down there!”

“Ana-“

“I can find it. Give me a second!”

She stamped her foot to the floor, slammed her palms against the wall, and searched for the faint tremble. There was the pounding of feet, the pumping of the engine, the… _There?_ Ana strained. At the edge of her mind she could feel Nat taking stairs two at a time. _Where is it!_ She wouldn’t make it-

“We need to go!” Bucky growled grabbing her and slinging her over his shoulder just as she found it.

The tick.

_tick_

_tick_

And then the heat melted into her forearms, spreading through her veins as the shockwave rattled throughout the ship. Bucky stumbled, barely keeping his footing. _I just need long enough for Nat to get out._ It built up, burning her blood and screaming in her ears. She tried to lock her jaw to stop the scream, but it was too much. Her vision blurred.

_Fo cu s_

_Focus._

“Let go!” Bucky screamed. “Nat’s out – let go!”

The railing was there. The black expanse of ocean beyond. And then she was launched over the edge, the explosion released, and the numbness that followed the pain tingled across her skin. For a moment they were suspended in nothingness. Ana could feel the rush of air wrap around her body followed by a blossom of heat against her back. It itched like bad sunburn.

_Focus!_

And then she hit the ocean with a crack. The freezing water sent a volt of panic throughout her body and her mouth opened involuntarily to gasp in a breath of air from the shocking cold. Salty water flooded into her senses and her body moaned with pain. She could feel herself being pulled down and her body struggled to fight it.

 _Think. Think. Think._

Ana gritted her teeth and opened her eyes to the blackness. Swirling her head around she saw the orange bloom of fire below - _above_. She kicked hard, digging into the pain and the burning in her lungs. This was no way to die.

She resurfaced with a desperate gasp of air.

“ANA!” Bucky was at her side, shouting over the roar of the storm. He pushed back the wet hair sticking to her face just as a large wave crashed over them, sending her spiraling back into the dark depths. In the darkness she reached out to take hold of him, the fabric of his suit slipping through her fingers as the rough wash of the wave tossed her around.

_Focus._

She resurfaced with another gasp for air and reached out to him. “Bucky!”

He was close, she could sense his warmth in the coldness surrounding her. _Focus. Breathe. You can get out of this with a level head._ But panic was threatening the fringes of her mind. _I can’t lose him. I won’t._

She extended her reach, feeling the water surrounding her become nothing more than an extension of herself. Ana found his body, solid amongst the water slipping through her fingers, and pulled him close to her. But she was too strong, too forceful with no finesse, and his body crashed against hers.

“Are you okay?” he called out, taking hold of her body as a wave lifted them up above the choppy white swell of the dark ocean. For a moment there was only the rough breath of wind tearing at her already freezing skin. They wouldn’t last long.

“Bucky, we need to get out of here.”

He nodded, eyes never leaving her face as his head bobbed just above the water. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“I can’t lose you,” she confessed.

Ana dug into the pain, summoning the reserves of her adrenaline to surge through her body. She dug into the frustration, feeling it warm her body and the water around them. It wasn’t much, but it would add minutes to their survival.

“Ana-” He looked so vulnerable for a moment. Her heart tightened at the sight, it felt like watching someone leap off a cliff. She took another tight breath of air and waited on his words, sure they were a confession of love. “There’s the jet!” Bucky shouted over the rush of another wave cresting. The wind tore viciously at them, the thundering of rain bruising their faces as they looked up to the large spotlight that centred on them. A rope was lowered, smacking into the water a stroke or two away from where they bobbed. Ana took it and quickly made two looped harnesses, her tired legs kicking hard to stay above the water as her hands worked.

“How’d you know how to do that?”

Ana slipped the rope under his feet so it rested under his thighs, and quickly repeated the action for herself as the rope began to rise. She shrugged.

_“Don’t worry. A helicopter is the safest place to be in a storm._

_And you’re flying with the best.”_

“I just know.”

It took an age to reach the edge of the platform, and even then, her stomach lurched at the idea of crawling over the lip. Every muscle shuddered at the slightest pressure and she felt weak. But everyone was there and safe, if not a little cold and wet. It was enough to make her want to collapse and she tried, but couldn’t stop the shaking in her left leg.

“Everyone okay?” Steve strode over to help Bucky stand. She suddenly felt queasy with guilt. There had been one objective – bring back the Doctor _alive at all costs._

_How long has it been since we jumped? Five minutes?_

Nat reached out her hand and pulled Ana onto unsteady feet. Her suit was burnt and shredded at the shoulder and along her back, but otherwise she seemed completely fine. Ana still couldn’t let go of the tightness in her lungs. “Are you okay?”

“You saved my life.” Nat squeezed the hand she still held. “I will never forget that.”

Ana took the blanket that Wanda offered, avoiding eye contact with Steve. “I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely.

“Ana, there’s no need for that,” he said resting his hand against her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“If I’d called him in earlier, or recognised-“

“There’s always ‘what ifs’ in life. You have to learn to live with _what is_.” She looked up to see his sympathetic smile. “You did good kid.”


	10. I Need You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy lovelies ;)

**February 29 th 2015, 03:30**

A cold mist hung heavy on the dewy land. It doused everything in muted tones and silver expressions. The grassy flats outside the Avengers facility seemed suspended in another world, and when Ana strained her eyes she could see the shadows of people just outside of clarity. _Just trees, those shapes are just trees_. But her imagination was tempted to toy with her.

She let out a sigh and it came out in a white plume, swirling in the early dawn.

_“Are you cold?”_

_Ana shook her head and took her eyes off the morning light hitting the Rockies._

_“Do they remind you of home?”_

_His arms wrapped around her. “You’re home now.”_

It was a cruel memory, so easy to fall into her chest and carve a messy cavern where her heart should have rested. For a moment, his face was as bright and clear as the molten sun rising above the mountains. She could see the small flicker of a white scar by his nose. There was warmth that filled his hazel eyes when he smiled at her. And then just as she started to grasp the image, the full sense of the human in front of her… he became an essence, the faint notion of what she had seen. And as she tried desperately to recreate it, the curve of his nose or the fullness of his lips he became more like a presence against her chest. And then with a sigh he became nothing.

A white plume left her mouth and twirled in the early morning mist. In the silence it hugged the earth, leaving small diamonds of dew on the grass.

Ana felt Bucky’s presence before she saw him. His bare feet padded softly against the concrete, and then his body was next to hers. She turned to watch him; his body stiff as he watched the eerie landscape.

“What are you doing out here?” he said softly. Ana watched his eyes go to her hands, resting on the bench between them before flickering to meet her gaze.

“I couldn’t sleep… The headaches are back.”

He nodded sadly before looking away. Silence sung in the spaces between them. Ana pulled her hands up into her lap and fidgeted. Her mind kept returning to that look he had given her in the cold water and she itched to find out what his next words would have been. She wanted to know what would have happened if they hadn’t of been interrupted at the gym the morning before. She wanted to kiss him. “Why are you here, Bucky?”

“I couldn’t sleep either,” he stated with a shrug, still looking away into the mist. His jaw was stiff, his shoulders tight.

Ana reached out and touched his thigh. His gaze snapped to her like the touch was fire. “In the gym, before the alarm went off-“

“ _Ana_ ,” he implored.

“Bucky, I care about you too.”

Every breath felt like she was back in the icy water. She could barely hold back the choking cold shriveling each breath into shuddering gasps. The silence began to drape over them again. He was closed off, and behind his blue eyes she could see his racing thoughts. _I’ve done something wrong. I’ve read it all wrong. Please. God what an idiot._

“Ana…” He spoke as if in pain, through gritted teeth. “I don’t know if I can handle just being friends anymore.”

“Good.” He flinched, and she scrambled to say what she wanted to. “I don’t want to be just friends. I… I want us.”

She inched closer on the bench and looked up into his eyes. Without hesitation he reached out to cup her jaw, his eyes searching hers for some sign. “Ana,” he whispered. Bucky leaned down slowly, his eyes dropping briefly to her lips.

“Yes?” She relished in the way he said her name and drew her close. Then his lips brushed against hers, soft and achingly tender. She crumbled as his arm wrapped around her, drawing her up into his lap and against his chest. His tongue swept across her lower lip and she parted her lips as their kiss grew deeper. Fingers danced across shoulders, trailed through loose locks, brushed against clothing that seemed more and more unnecessary. It felt both dizzyingly dangerous and the only place she ever wanted to be. And just as she thought she’d drown happily in him, he pulled away. Those gorgeously large hands sweeping through her hair to hold her face.

“Please don’t break me,” he said softly.

Ana leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss against his forehead. His arms wrapped around her waist to hold her tightly against his chest. “I couldn’t,” she whispered back, pressing more kisses into his hair.

“You did… last time.”

Ana clung to him, burying her face into the crook of his neck. She could feel the ache radiate from his body and took a steadying breath to try and ease the distress. “I’m not going anywhere now. We’re finally on the right team and everything will be okay.”

His tight grip on her eased and she took the moment to pull back and look into his eyes. They had changed, darkened by a look of hunger that made her core twist in anticipation. Her fingers trailed down his chest and slowly took his hands around her waist, without breaking eye contact she moved them down to her ass. Slowly she leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I need you Bucky.”

He moaned, gripping her soft flesh as he ground against her. It sent a volt of pleasure through her body. Her pussy throbbed with an urgent need.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Bucky whispered back, his voice thick and low. She rolled her hips, shocked and aroused by his vulgarity. He brought her earlobe between his teeth and began kissing her down along her neck. “Hmm?” He roughly pulled her down along the stiffness of his cock and kissed her hard against the pulse point of her neck.

“Yes! Please, Bucky.”

“Use your words,” he demanded as his hands began to roam, slipping up the back of her shirt and underneath the band of her sweatpants to run along her bare skin. A low moan left his lips. “No panties or bra?”

Her skin burned where he touched her and ached where he hadn’t. The sight of him, looking up at her – starving to ravage her. Bucky took the edges of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head, leaving it tangled in her arms so they were restrained behind her. Ana gasped, and her nipples hardened in the cool of the early morning air. Something about sitting on the hard outline of his dick in the cool air, on a bench outside of where she now called home – _anyone could catch us_ – but it felt dangerous and god she _needed_ him more than ever. Her body pulsed for him. She knew it wouldn’t be long until she soaked through her sweatpants and, fuck, her clit throbbed to be pleased. But all he did was lean back and eat her with his eyes. When she went to free her arms he shook his head once and she froze, whimpering with the need to be touched.

“Use your words,” he commanded lowly while he rolled his hips against her core.

“Fuck, Bucky,” she moaned tossing her head back to look up at the sky. “I _need you_.”

“I’m right here.”

Ana gritted her teeth, she wanted to slap him with her frustration. His body stilled and she dropped her gaze down to him in horror. “No, please.”

He moved forward, his lips nearly grazing a nipple. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.” His breath fanned across the hard bud as he looked up at her with dark eyes.

She panted. “I want you to play with my tits.”

He smiled and took a nipple in his mouth while his hand rolled and toyed with the other. Ana moaned, arching her back eagerly to receive more. His touch was fire, so skilled and lethal at unravelling her. “Your free hand,” Ana panted as she ground against him desperate for more. “I need you to touch me.”

“Where, doll?”

He pinched a nipple before she could snap back and she crumpled against him as it sent a wave of pleasure straight to her core. “My pussy – my clit.”

“Yours?” he growled and before she could blink, he had her on her stomach against the bench. She shivered as the cold bench pressed against her hard nipples and flushed skin. “Ana, everything of mine is yours.” She felt the cool air hit her ass as he pealed back her pants then a tingle of pain and a ripple of pleasure flooded to her core as he brought his open palm down on her ass.

“ _Please_ _Bucky,”_ Ana begged arching her back and brought her ass further into the air. She didn’t care how it would have looked to anyone on the outside. She felt absolutely consumed with a heady lust and she would have done anything for him to touch her. “It’s yours, this is your pussy, just fuck me.”

“That’s my good girl,” he growled spanking her one more time before lifting her up into his arms. He brought her chest back to his mouth, toying her nipples with his skilled mouth before carrying her back into the complex.

“Where are we going?” Ana asked, wrapping her legs around his waist and took the opportunity to get her own teasing back. She brought the softness of her lips against the shell of his ear. “Where are you going to fuck me, Bucky?”

He moaned and his fingers dug into the globes of her ass. She trailed needy kisses down his neck, moaning softly and pleading as he carried her through the complex. He shifted her weight so he carried her with one hand as his frustration grew and with a free hand he pinched a nipple. It only made her moans sweeter.

“Fuck, I can’t wait,” he growled bringing her into a dark room and pushed her against a wall and pinned her there with his body. His hands roamed over her breasts, savouring every curve of her body. “Dammit, doll. You don’t know what you’re doing to me.” His voice was thick and husky like honey whiskey.

“Bucky,” she breathed, and he returned his lips back to her, pulling her away from the wall and set her on top of something hard and solid.His hands quickly turned to the only item of clothing she had left, fingers tearing the pants from her body. The sound of ripping cotton only urged her maddened desires. “Fuck, I need you,” Ana begged careless of their location. He’d stepped back to watch her propped up and panting for his touch on the kitchen counter. Any second someone could walk in and see them. For some reason that only made her more desperate to have him, completely, madly.

Bucky watched her; icy blue eyes hooded with lust. He bit at his lip before diving in, his hot mouth capturing her nipple and making easy work of building her pleasure. Every touch of his on her body built a delectable fire that he was the master of.

_Their bodies, hot and heaving. Intertwined._

_He took her everywhere he could._

_The compound,_

_in the car,_

_against the rocky outcrop during a stakeout._

His deft fingers trailed up towards her molten core. Bucky’s teeth scraped across the hard bud of her nipple while his fingers found the hot, wet bundle of nerves between her thighs. “Spread your legs,” he purred kissing down her stomach. He flicked his digit across her clit and she cried out his name. He took her knees and pushed them wide.

_“I want to watch you touch yourself.”_

_“Why?”_

_“I want to be the only one who can fuck you like this.”_

Bucky’s mouth, _Oh god his mouth!_ Ana tried to focus on the faded memories but the way he rolled and teased her clit with such skill had her head hazy with the lust of this moment. Large, powerful hands ran up the insides of her thighs and sent shivers of pleasure up her core. Never taking his eyes off her, he moved those hands closer and closer to her hot, desperate pussy. Every squirm she couldn’t contain paused their progress until the desperation to have his fingers inside of her, on her, teasing out every ounce of pleasure from her was overwhelming. She could feel the anticipation stoke the growing orange light inside of her.

“Whose pussy is this?”

“Yours,” she said breathlessly.

He flicked her clit with an up and down motion of his tongue. Her body shuddered and her breath hitched. Bucky’s longer fingers were tracing lines so dangerously close to her cunt, and gods did she want him there. Instead of edging around her orgasm he brought her to the brink hard and fast. Her toes curled. Waves of pleasure rippled through her body as he reached up and took a nipple between his fingers and pulled.

“Buck- Bucky I’m- I’m…”

A blinding yellow hue hit the back of her eyes as an orgasm rolled through her body, curling her toes and pulsing through her core. Without giving her a moment to recover he brought his fingers into her hot cunt and pumped them into her. Her legs quivered and she struggled against the t-shirt holding her arms back from touching him. “Please, Bucky! I need you!” She gasped. The wet noises making her cheeks flush.

“You have me” he hummed over her clit as his fingers continued to edge her towards the blinding yellow hue of another orgasm.

With a final desperate effort, she shook the restraints free. “I need this,” she gasped reaching over and took hold of the rock-hard cock. _God he’s huge,_ she thought before Bucky curled his fingers and flicked her soaking bundle of nerves in just the way that sent her mind away, her muscles coiled, and her throat rasped out his name. He held her, carrying her through the bright bliss.

_Bucky held her tight, his cock twitching as she sat perched on his lap._

_He had placed a mirror against the desk in the small room._

_And there he sat, holding her legs apart as he fucked her on full display._

_There was a knock on the door as his body slapped into her wetness._

_“Quiet,” he cooed in her ear._

_One hand going to pull at her sensitive nipple,_

_while the other toyed dangerously with her pussy._

_“I – I – I can’t,” she whispered feeling it build within her._

_He twisted the nipple, releasing it just in time to bring a possessive hand to her throat._

“Are you ready?” he whispered, taking her face in his hands and kissed her passionately, deep and desperate. “God I lo-,” he paused and for a moment she saw a look of fear cross his eyes before he brought his lips back to hers. She could taste herself on his lips. “I need you,” he growled, raking his fingers through her hair and then down her back to take her ass in his hands. 

She pushed up to him, relishing in the sensation of his hardness running along the wetness of her slit. “Please, Bucky,” she urged arching her back.

He pulled her off the kitchen counter and moved her to the couch. Her pussy throbbed where his cock rested, teasing the entrance to her hot core. Gently he laid her down and moved over her. Bucky brought his lips to kiss her deeply before pulling away to watch her. “Ready?” he asked teasing her entrance.

“Yes.”

He filled her slowly, teasing out every pleasure she could possibly feel. Ana couldn’t help but search his eyes to see if he was feeling the same otherworldly experience she was. Gently he placed a heady kiss on top of her forehead and the lowest moan escaped his lips. Buried deep inside of her, it felt like this was familiar, more intimately powerful than she could fully grasp in the heated moment. A disconnected part of her felt like she could have asked anything of Bucky and he wouldn’t hesitate to fulfil her wishes.

“God dammit, darling. You feel so fucking good.”

He pulled out, teasingly slow. “Bucky,” she moaned. “I need it fast and hard right now.”

Bucky kissed her intensely, gripping her face as he increased his pace. He stole her moans, his tongue grazing against hers while his hands moved from her face to roam her body. “Fuck Bucky!” He tilted his hips and his cock hit that spot inside of her that would unravel her.

“Does it feel good?”

“Holy shit, yes. Please. Don’t. Don’t stop.”

He moaned, throwing his head back as his stride stuttered. “I love making you feel good.”

Ana panted, her fingers raking through his hair and drawing him back to her to kiss his neck. “I’m- I’m close,” she said breathlessly. The lightness was becoming dizzying. Electricity laced through her veins and _fuck_ he was unravelling her. Bucky wrapped her body in his arms and pulled her up towards him. The coil in her core shivered, snapping as another orgasm hit her hard.

The world spun and the two of them slipped to the lounge floor. Ana laughed breathlessly and Bucky moaned, gripping onto her desperately as his body shuddered. “Fuck, Ana,” he panted into her neck. She could hear the smile in his voice.

It was quiet in the aftermath of their storm. Despite the heavy hour of the morning, Ana felt like she could float away if it weren’t for Bucky holding her so tightly. She clung back, overwhelmed with the sense of belonging. It felt right have their naked limbs wrapped in each other lying on the floor.

 _Did that just happen?_ Her heart sung as his warm fingers threaded through her own and he brought them to his lips to kiss. Slowly he rolled onto his back and Ana swallowed the gasp as he moved out of her. She turned to watch the deep breaths making his chest rise and fall. Her eyes traced over the hard lines of his body, scars and chiselled muscles. They settled on his face, soft and open.

“We should probably get off the floor,” Ana mumbled as her finger twirled around a lock of his hair. “But I don’t think I can move.”

He rolled his head to the side and smiled at her. “My room is closer.” His voice was still husky, and it sent a delicious shiver up her spine. He pulled her closer, so their naked bodies were wrapped together again and kissed her lazily.

“Mmhh. Let’s do it before Vision walks in on us.”


	11. Dating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to psullivan95, thanks for reading and commenting! You're exactly the motivation I needed to post this chapter, so hope you enjoy!

**February 29 th 2015**

There was something decadent about waking up wrapped in warmth with a satisfied thrum of pleasure radiating from her muscles. It was surrounded by the undeniable sensation of safety. Her eyes fluttered open slowly as the early sun filtered through the open window. Outside the birds sung their morning chorus. She felt soft fingers run trails up her arm to twirl in her hair.

She leaned into the touch and rolled over to look up at his doe eyes. “What time is it, Handsome?”

He smiled brightly. “About 10.” Bucky dropped his eyes down to her lips and she felt her cheeks flush with the memory of last night.

“You seem rested,” she said leaning her face into his hand and wrapped her naked legs in his.

“I slept the whole night.”

“Well, not the whole night.”

Bucky grinned, leaning down to kiss her deeply. Her heart pounded. His fingers lacing through the roots of her hair to elicit a soft moan of joy. “I never sleep well,” he confessed pulling away.

Ana rolled her body over his, draping her head onto his chest to listen to his heart. “Is it memories?”

Bucky shook his head. “Nightmares mostly… Steve helps. Sometimes he stays up all night just to get me to calm down.”

Ana nodded, her fingers tracing shapes over his bare chest. “You two are like brothers. I’m glad you have each other.”

Buck wrapped his arms around her, and she felt his hum of agreement rumble in her body. “I never told you how he pulled me out of it, have I?” Ana shook her head and shifted so she could watch him. He still had the dewy look of sleep softening the hard lines of his face, she liked this look on him. “I didn’t recognise him at first. I was on a mission and this blonde idiot was standing in the middle of the road gawping at me.” He chuckled and rubbed circles on her shoulder with his thumb. “He called me Bucky. It… It just stuck when everything else didn’t. I knew that I knew him. It didn’t matter what Hydra tried. And then later, he told me he was there with me till the end of the line. It just snapped everything. Like coming out of cold water into the sun.” He looked down to her with a soft, sad smile. “And a year later, after trying so bloody hard to find you – there you are. I knew it the second I saw you. I never thought it would hurt so much.”

She inched upwards and kissed him, trying to convey how much she needed him and how glad she was to be with him right here, right now, after all the chaotic mess of life. He tightened his hold of her and deepened the tender kiss. Her heart melted as he pulled away and smiled. “Are you hungry?”

“Always,” Ana chuckled. “Come on.”

She had to borrow a pair of his pants as she dashed down the hallway to her room to get changed into something with less… sex smell. It was quiet in the compound, thankfully. Ana didn’t hear or see anyone even as she practically skipped into the kitchen. Bucky had already started with bacon sizzling in the pan and Ana eyed a few hot pieces that sat on a plate between them.

“French toast?” she asked eyeing the ingredients laid out. He turned and grinned, slapping a soaked piece into the pan.

“It’s my specialty.” The grin on his face was infectious as she slid into a seat at the counter. “believe it or not, Nat taught me,” he chuckled. “What do you want to do today?” Ana grabbed a piece of bacon sitting on one of the plates and chewed as she watched his ass. “You’re not paying attention,” Bucky huffed.

“It’s hard to when all I can think about is how you made me cum here.” He blushed and Ana winked at him before he could turn back to the pan to hide his face. “How about that place we were going to the other day? We could make a picnic and spend the day there.”

“Yeah?” Bucky sounded almost nervous.

“Yeah, I’d really like to.”

He flipped the toast and turned to lean against the bench. “You’ve never been though, how do you know you want to spend the day there?”

Ana shrugged. “It’s important to you Bucky, of cause I wanna at see it.”

The smile that eased its way onto his face made her heart soar. “It’s a date then.”

The drive there was electric. Filled with easy laughter, spiked with sexual tension and the giddiness of each other’s company. Ana had never seen Bucky so carefree and she felt ecstatic that she played a small part in it. The way his bright blue eyes lit up made her heart ache at the sight. She promised to never be the reason it dimmed.

“So, do I get any other hints about where you’re taking me?” Ana asked as her fingers fidgeted with the scuffed rip of her jeans.

His eyes dropped down to her hand briefly before reaching out and taking it in his much larger grasp. “We’re like ten minutes away now.”

“So, what you’re saying is I have ten minutes to guess?”

“Ana.”

“Or, you’ve suddenly realised there’s so many guesses I can make before you break.”

“Are you trying to torture me?” he chuckled and shook his head. He’d rolled down the window despite the lingering frosty bite of winter. But it was a nice look, turning one’s head to watch his easy smile, the wind tossing his hair as he drove with one hand on the wheel and the other propped against the window.

“It would work, wouldn’t it?” Ana stated in glee.

He tossed his head back and laughed, albeit a little nervously.

Bucky pulled off the main road and they drove for several minutes down what could barely be called a road. Ana smirked as with every hidden pothole Bucky grumbled lowly to himself, pulling his hand away so both were placed firmly on the wheel. Finally, he pulled over into a flat grassy clearing and killed the engine.

Ana stepped out of the jeep and eyed the forest surrounding them. It was quiet here, but the air was light and full with the minty scent of pine. “It’s just a short walk this way,” Bucky explained locking the car and taking her hand. He seemed nervous, in the way his eyes kept shifting back to read her expression as they pushed through an overgrown game trail.

She cast him a reassuring smile, and then paused mid stride as they rounded a bend and the distinct sound of a waterfall met her ears. “Really?” she asked excitedly and picked up the pace.

Bucky let out a chuckle, low enough to make her blush with the thoughts that it stirred in her. “Glad I didn’t break and tell you?” he asked as the thicket gave way, and the full glory of the waterfall came into view. It was magical. Made of two smaller drops, clear water cascaded over water worn grey boulders into perfectly formed swimming holes. The sun sprinkled through the trees making everything appear vibrant and alive even on the cusp of spring.

“Bucky,” Ana said breathlessly and turned to face him. “It’s amazing, I love it.”

Something pink tinted his cheeks as he looked away, almost bashfully. “Come, there’s a path to the top,” he explained and lead the way.

“How did you find this place?” she asked as he led her onto another old trail, this one likely forged by him alone. It had overgrown in the months he had been absent, and Ana couldn’t help but wonder how often he would come here. _Bucky did say he used to come here because it reminded him of me…_

He shrugged. “It was early on after Steve found me. We’d raided a couple of abandoned Hydra bases and I was just so angry… I got into a jeep and just drove, next thing I know I’m pulling off the road and then I’m here and…” he paused and Ana watched as he looked away from her. His shoulders tense. “It felt like fate reassuring me. I hadn’t found you yet, but I’d found something that was a piece of you.”

Ana reached out and touched his shoulder, feeling her heart ache. He didn’t turn and instead they pressed forward in silence. The gentle sounds of the forest soothing the quiet. “Do you remember waking up?” he asked, his gaze still fixed ahead.

“Yeah.” She swallowed hard. Up until this point Bucky had known everything, he’d never really asked her about the past. “There was an earthquake. It sounded like standing in front of an oncoming train. There was a man there, some doctor I didn’t know at the time…” she shuddered feeling suddenly cold. “When I look back with what I know now though, I’m pretty sure he was the one who experimented on me.”

She was quiet for a long time, her head swimming with the memory of beating the foul man to death. The smell of his burning hair stuck in her nose, making her mouth feel thick and gummy. “What did you do?” his voice was quiet, almost soft enough to miss.

“Killed him. I’d even forgotten about my powers, because I remember being shocked when I was suddenly on fire.” She kicked a rock out of the way and ducked underneath a branch. “There’s still things I find out when instinct demands it. Kinda makes me wonder how much more there is to learn.”

Bucky nodded. “Do you remember which base you were at?”

“Somewhere in California. Middle of nowhere really. It took me three days before I saw another person, five before I came to the next town.”

They had reached the top of the waterfall, Bucky taking the lead in gracefully clambering over several boulders until they stood on the flat lip overhanging the edge. Water rushed past on their right, tumbling down into the clear deep pool below which small insects danced across the surface. A dragonfly zipped past them on an important mission. Bucky slipped his hand in hers and she took strength in the warmth of it. “You know, despite it all I’m okay. I’m who I am now because of it and… and I have you,” she looked up shyly at Bucky seeing his intense gaze brighten.

Slowly he brought a free hand up to grip at her waist. Her heart thundered at the intimate contact and she leaned in against his chest, savouring the tenderness of his smile. Softly he brought his lips to hers, quickly deepening the kiss as a moan rumbled from his chest. It was the most pleasant kind of drowning and they couldn’t pull away until they were breathless and dizzy.

“I could kiss you forever,” she mumbled staring dreamily up into his eyes, her hands planted on his broad chest. _Gods he’s sexy,_ she thought bringing her bottom lip between her teeth.

He chuckled, a low rumble rolling out from within his chest as his hands slid dangerously over her hips. The steady beat of his heart quickened. He looked so carefree in this moment, bright and warm. She couldn’t block out the thought of him taking her here on top of the waterfall with the warm sunlight tumbling through the canopy.

“Bucky –“

His phone cut her off. “Forget it,” he muttered. “In fact, I might just throw it off the edge,” he chuckled as it came into his hands and he stepped back.

Ana laughed. “Who is it?”

“Steve,” Bucky muttered, his thumb hovering over the decline button.

“Answer it. I’ll get into my bathing gear while you two chat,” she hummed feeling an electric thrill run down her spine.

“You don’t have a swim-“ his sharp intake was audible as Ana pulled off her shirt, dropping it to her feet along with her bra. His eyes were devouring her and he moved closer to touch.

“Go on, answer it,” Ana teased as her fingers moved slowly down to the button of her jeans. She grinned as her affect on him was already visible.

“Don’t stop,” he ordered before answering the phone. “Hey Steve.” Bucky sounded light, the thickness of his tone lingering only slightly. Ana watched as his face fell, sensibility swarming his once carefree features. Her fingers stopped their progress, and she watched his face carefully. _Something’s wrong._ “Yeah. Ana’s with me. We’ll be there in the hour.” He hung up the phone and shoved it back in his jacket pocket with a sigh.

“What happened?” Ana stepped towards his chest, suddenly a little uncomfortable with being shirtless with his mood shift.

He pulled a tired smile onto his face looking older. “The Avengers have been called in. Steve wants us back at the base right now for a briefing.”

“The whole team?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, even Tony and Banner are going to cut their science sleepover short.” He looked up and saw the nervousness on her face. “Don’t worry,” he brought a hand up to her face and pulled her close for a kiss. She felt lightheaded at his softness. “I’m always going to be there,” his voice was thick with honey.

Ana nodded into his collar bone. “I really liked our first date,” she whispered placing a kiss against his neck. “I can’t wait for our next one. How do you feel about rock climbing?”

“You have an unfair advantage,” he teased. “Let’s do it.” Without warning he swept her up into his arms and began across the boulders to the path.

“You’re forgetting about my shirt,” Ana exclaimed with a giggle.

“Oh, I’m very aware of it.”


	12. Medina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments and support guys! I couldn't hold onto this chapter for another week, I'm both too excited and nervous about how you'll all take it... Enjoy! :D

**February 15 th, 2015**

The room was full and alive with suspense. Everyone turned to watch as Bucky and Ana walked through the door. The whole gang was there, and those who weren’t were present in holographic form. Ana couldn’t help but feel a strange sickness roll in her stomach as she set eyes on Tony Stark. Whether it was his reputation or the way that, even when physically not there, she could feel his sharp gaze directed on her behind his shades. She nodded in his direction. _I deserve to be here. I earned this place._ He nodded back.

“Sorry, Buck.” Steve looked sad as he greeted them, but there was a steadfast look of determination behind his eyes.

“I guess world ending events are back in season,” Bucky shrugged taking a seat on the last remaining armchair. Without hesitating, he pulled Ana down onto the seat with him – ignoring the smug smiles of the team around them as she perched on his knee. Ana blushed when Wanda gasped and Sam chuckled.

“So, this is the newest member of the team?” Suddenly, it felt even worse that she was meeting Tony for the first time. It would never have been intentional, but the way Bucky had acted demoted her. It didn’t matter how capable she was, now it felt like her place had been earned under the sheets. Bucky was tense underneath her and one of his hands rested protectively on her knee. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” Tony continued moving closer, casually to all appearances. His tone was hard to read.

“As have I,” Ana responded and tugged a smile onto her face.

“Play nice,” Bucky warned Tony. She could feel a strange tension radiate between the two and being stuck in the crossfire was beginning to make her slightly nauseous.

“I’m just trying to get to know our newest member of the team,” Tony deflected with a shrug.

“It’s okay, please.” Ana looked over to Steve briefly to gauge his reaction - _confused, a little defensive -_ before turning her attention to Tony. “I can talk your ear off after the briefing, right now I think there’s something going on more important than any of us. Steve?”

Steve nodded, his gaze moving away from Bucky’s to a screen behind him. “We’ve got alien activity in Peru and London has just received a threat to flatten their city. It’s been claimed by international terrorist Gustavo Gallows and we’re certain he’s been hired by Hydra. Tony, Banner, and Vision are already on their way to London. Wanda, you’ll join them after the briefing. We need you guys to find and neutralize the threat there. The rest of us are heading to Peru to support an American army base out by the…” Steve paused at the name circled on the map.

“Cotahuasi,” Ana chimed in. It was difficult to still the rapid beating of her heart as she recognised the location.

Steve nodded. “Cotahuasi Canyon. There are aliens coming from the ground, so we think it’s the last of Hyrda’s portals.”

“Think or hope,” Tony muttered under his breath.

Steve chose to ignore it. “We need to find out what Hydra wants to gain from splitting it’s efforts like this.”

“Could there be another portal in London?” Wanda asked, sitting on the edge of her seat.

“No. I’ve had my satellites scour the city and nothing.” Tony tossed something in his hand and turned to Steve. “The ‘threat’ is likely only there to split us up.”

The Captain inclined his head. “Could be. But we can’t risk civilian’s lives like that. Natasha and I are going to follow a lead that-“

“That only leaves Sam and the two ex-Hydra bunnies to handle the alien situation,” Tony stated.

Bucky shifted underneath her, his hand tightening on her knee. She placed her own on top of it to still the whirling of cogs beneath its cool surface.

“You worry too much Tony,” Sam interjected. “The three of us are bloody good soldiers, we can-”

“Exactly. You are soldiers. Not gods, not –“

“If he takes one more jab, I’m going to make him hurt,” Bucky growled lowly as Nat interjected.

“Can we not argue-“

“Everyone!” The room went quiet. Steve stood with his hands on his hips. “Please. The longer we argue among ourselves the more risk we’re putting everyone in…” He held the room in silence for a moment before continuing. “It goes without saying that we keep this quiet. Now we’ve all got our assignments, good luck.”

Ana watched as Tony shook his head, his form disappearing in a wash of blue crumbling pixels alongside Banner’s. Nat seemed deep in thought, her lips pursed as she looked from the map projected on the wall to Steve.

“You okay?” Bucky asked quietly as his thumb made circles on her thigh.

She nodded, slipping out of his grip to stand. “Yeah. I just gotta ask Steve some questions.”

“Ana-“

“I’m fine.”

Ana threw him a carefully crafted smile, certain it radiated the confidence she didn’t quite have and moved to intercept Steve’s retreat. Bucky seemed about to follow her when Sam slid past and gave her a devilishly knowing smile. “It was about time you two cut to the chase,” Sam chuckled as the crossed paths.

Ana ignored it and broke into a jog to catch Steve in doorway. “Cap!” He turned, seeming distant in thought until his eyes met hers and focused his attention on her. Ana wondered what he had been thinking about. Did he ever toss and turn and wonder whether the actions he influenced saved or took lives? “I know you’re busy, but I need to ask you something.”

Steve smiled, something about it said he’d always have time. “Walk and talk with me.”

“I wanna know what we’re dropping into. Aliens? Really?”

He chuckled, somewhat humourlessly. “Yeah. Aliens. But from the report I received, they’re not like anything we’ve faced before.”

Ana nodded. _So, that sounds bad._ “Can I read it? That report.”

“I’ll have Friday send you the transcript before you leave, I only talked to the Colonel over the phone. When you land Captain Horris will be there to brief you properly on what you’ll be facing.”

They approached the jet hangar and Ana knew they only had seconds of privacy left. Her chest hammered and before she could filter her thoughts, her mouth opened, “What does Tony have against me?”

Steve turned to look at her, surprise written on his face. When he spoke, it was painfully deliberate. “Don’t worry about Tony. He’s a difficult man to please.”

 _So, there is something…_ “Did I ever… _encounter_ anyone from the Avengers when I was under Hydra?”

Steve turned to face her, his mouth opening to respond when the sound of Natasha jogging down the hallway brought his attention away from her. “Not that I know. Look Ana, we’ve got to go but we’ll be at the base to support the three of you shortly.”

Nat brushed her hand on Ana's shoulder and flashed her a knowing smile. “Be _safe_ ,” she said with a wink.

Ana rolled her eyes. “Alright, good luck and bugger off the two of you.”

Nat let out a pearl of charming laughter as she and Steve stepped into the jet. It was in the air before they had stepped into the cockpit and the silence after their departure was deafening.

“Aliens, huh…” Ana mumbled.

**~O~O~O~O~**

Sam, Bucky and Ana geared up and took off within the hour. After the initial barrage of quips and cheeky nudges, Sam had apparently been satisfied. “I’m just excited,” he’d claimed as they flew over Cuba. “I was beginning to worry we’d have to replace Bucky’s right arm with-“

“Watch your mouth, Wilson!”

Ana laughed at the unusual dynamic of the two men. Shortly after, Friday had shared the transcript that Steve had promised. They all sat around the speaker and listened as Steve and a gruff, tired sounding man exchanged words as they passed over Bogota. It wasn’t the detailed report she had hoped for. If anything, all it gave her was a chill in her bones. The ominously vague account of violence that came from a detached voice…

They didn’t talk much after that. In her mind Ana listed the questions she wanted answered when they landed, to keep her mind focused and away from the distant memory of rain on a tin roof. She caught glimpses of the lush green rainforest far below and moved to the cockpit to watch the shifting landscape. They were travelling fast, already in Peru according to the nav system. Outside dusk was colouring the mountains in shades of hazy reds and muted purples. She felt oddly numb to the beautiful scene. _Maybe you’re terrified to let yourself feel anything…_

“How are you feeling?” Bucky snaked a hand around her waist to pull her back against his chest. She melted into his touch.

“I feel fine.”

“No headaches?” he brushed the hair away from her neck and bent down to place a soft kiss.

“No headaches… Are you keeping tabs on me?” Ana turned around and narrowed her eyes.

He smiled despite the accusation. “Am I not allowed to care?”

She tried to mimic his easy smile, hoping that he wouldn’t peel away at her fragile display. “I don’t want you to get mushy on the job.” She popped up on the balls of her feet to kiss his cheek before twisting away. He took her hand and pulled her back into his embrace. “We’ll be there soon,” she whispered.

He smiled, brushing back the loose strands of hair tumbling around her face. “I know. And then we’ll be busy and there will always be people around us.” He bent to steal a breathless kiss from her, his arms wrapping around her protectively.

“You underestimate how sneaky I can be,” she purred with a grin. 

He grinned back and she felt her heart skip a beat and her cheeks flush. Just as his hands began to wander the engine dropped gears and they began their descent onto the tarmac of the airbase. Ana sucked in a shaky breath.

“I’ll be right beside you, always.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her fiercely. It was the kind of kiss that sent her head spinning and her heart thundering madly. She could sense his passion, his dangerously deep connection with her. It was terrifying to hold onto that power, for it to touch her thoughts. _I would do anything for him. I love him_. She pulled away, shocked.

“You love birds ready?” Sam called from the belly of the jet. “We haven’t rehearsed our entrance and I don’t want you two to ruin any first impressions for me.”

Bucky shook his lowered head and chuckled. His hands took hers and brushed his thumbs over her knuckles. “Ready for this?”

She realized he hadn’t raised the walls of the Winter Solider. Those bright blue eyes were nothing but an open book for her. “Let’s try not to embarrass Sam,” she chuckled shouldering a duffle bag of spare clothes and knives.

While she’d teased Bucky for keeping tabs on her, she was grateful to have his presence nearby. In this environment she expected to be bombarded with memories. It was a relief when she walked through the ranks of men and women going about their busy tasks without so much as an itch. She felt somewhat at ease in the rush.

Captain Horris was there to great the team of three. He was a stiff career military man, almost stereotypical of old, hard, and greying. He gave off an intimidating air of authority and strode through the bustle of the air base with his chin stiffly set. He had explained they were to be briefed at the camp and not a moment sooner in such a tone that even Ana, eager to learn more, didn’t toe the line. She shuffled around it eagerly though – trying desperately to get something from the stiff lipped man to no avail. Perhaps the truth was so terrifying he was worried that even Avengers would turn tail and run.

The Captain’s gaze was set on some undisclosed chopper across the tarmac, as he passed, soldiers ruffled their feathers to look busy. Sam leaned in conspiratorially and cracked a joke. Ana laughed, appreciating the way he tried to defuse her tension. She took an extra effort to relax her shoulders and breathe deeper, slower. They walked out onto the tarmac still sweltering despite the darkness of dusk settling on the surrounding hills. In the distance a low, lonely call of an eagle rang through the bustle of the base.

Captain Horris led their way and the crowds of soliders parted for him. “I’m glad you’re taking this threat seriously, Mr. Wilson.”

Bucky and Sam shared a grin reserved for the rabble of troublemakers they were.

“Ana! Ana!”

She turned, her body freezing as she saw the man sprinting madly towards her. The world tilted and the air around the group turned cold. Her head began to throb as the pilot continued to barrel forward, dodging around the couple of security detail. Bucky moved in front of her, his metal arm going up to stop the man before he could reach her. She could feel the electric possessiveness thrum off him. The light heartedness vanishing in a snap so violent it shook her hands.

“Easy,” Bucky warned.

The familiar stranger spared Bucky a quick, angry glance as he shoved his hand away from his chest. “Don’t you tell me what to do.” Side stepping the Winter Solider he found himself pausing, painfully close and so far away at the same time. He swept the old baseball cap from his head and twisted it in his hands. “Ana,” he pleaded. “Don’t you recognize me? They told me you died – KIA. I just couldn’t believe it; I knew you were alive.”

It was hard to breathe. She watched the man in front of her, so familiar and unknown to her. There was a small white scar on his nose, warm hazel eyes, the hard line of his jaw still covered in scruff that the Air Force should have made him shave off. _But he still rocked it when you first met,_ she thought – unsure of how the thought came to her.

“Lieutenant Medina,” Captain Horris growled. “Return to your station.”

“Medina?” Bucky muttered, looking over to Ana with worried eyes.

Sam frowned, his gave flickering between the disheveled pilot and his companions. “Uhh, Ana you’re-“

“Anastasia Griffin-Medina, yeah,” the Lieutenant huffed – clearly frustrated with the company. “She’s my wife, dude.”


	13. Añejo Tequila

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope Y'all enjoy this Chapter! :D Things are going to get interesting from here haha! 
> 
> This one goes out to MedievalContessa!! Thanks for all your lovely comments.

**_Colombia, 2003_ **

_Thunder rippled through the hot evening. The fresh taste of rain mingled with the smell of leather filling the space between them. Two guitarists plucked quietly, accompanied by the cacophony of insects and the distant call of howling monkeys. The cantina in the middle of the jungle was nearly abandoned if not for the exception of a handful of ragged locals and two American Special Forces soldiers._

_Ana couldn’t brush away the nervousness as she sat at the bar opposite him. There was a swagger he possessed tonight, away from the other men in their squad. She decided that this other shade of his typically sweet personality was dangerous, exhilarating._

_“Tequila huh?” she observed, eyeing the space between them. If Teddy walked in he could have fit in the space between them without touching either of them. It felt unnaturally far apart. Deliberately, purposefully so. In seconds he crushed it, sliding a bar stool closer until he filled all her senses._

_“You’re going to love it, trust me amor.”_

_Her heart leapt into her throat. His admission, a confession, took the wind from her lungs and she scrambled for some semblance of control. All the secret glances, the breathless touches, and the stolen kisses under the safety of night had led to this._

_“Añejo – old? Like me?”_

_“You’re beautiful, silly.”_

_The barman placed two glass tumblers in front of them, popped the cork, and poured. But the two soldiers couldn’t look away from each other. Ana watched his bright, caramel eyes as he gave her a crooked grin and raised his glass in a silent toast. He seemed just as nervous as her. Together they tossed back the amber liquid._

_“This is actually nicer than I thought! It’s kinda sweet.”_

_“Well, it’s my favourite.” His hand slid across her thigh, his eyes searching her face. “And we both know how much I love sweet things.”_

_Ana leaned into his touch, her eyes dropping to the soft curve of his lips. Subtly he moved closer, the soft brown curls of his hair sticking to his strong neck in the oppressive jungle heat. Overhead the soft rattle of rain began. Thunder roared and the air felt alive with electricity. Ana wished she could capture this sensation and hold it eternally. It felt… primal and like the most pleasant kind of drowning._

_“Do you feel the storm?” she whispered, slipping from her seat to pull him towards the dance floor. The guitarists continued their beautiful lament._

_She knew this was a dangerous game. They shouldn’t be here and they shouldn’t be acting like this. “It’s getting closer,” he whispered back thickly. He brought her against his chest, strong arms that had saved her countless times wrapped around her body as he led her in a slow dance._

_The heat clung to her body. Outside the rain became a downpour, washing away the sound of small frogs until a crack of lightning slashed through the darkness. The thunder shook the earth but it was secondary to their moment._

_His hands that once started shyly now never seemed satisfied with staying still, running down her back, over her arms, through her hair to cup her jaw, pulling her close to kiss her softly. It seemed that the months of dancing around this desire were crushing down on both of them._

_“We shouldn’t be doing this.”_

_He pressed his forehead against hers, breathing her in and clutching onto her tightly. “I can’t help myself.”_

_“What if they find out?”_

_He pulled away to look her in the eye, steadfast but tender. “Amor, nothing will keep me from you.”_

_The rain began to fall._

**February 15 th, 2015**

“Anastaia Griffin-Medina, yeah,” the Lieutenant huffed – clearly frustrated with the company. “She’s my wife, dude.”

Ana stepped back, struggling to find the air in her lungs. The pounding in her head seemed impossibly worse. Dimly she was aware of Sam muttering, “oh shit.” In front of her, Bucky seemed furious. Both of his hands curled tightly into fists, begging for violence. And the Lieutenant… His messy brown curls caught in the desert wind as he implored her to remember him, who they were, with those familiar hazel eyes.

“Añejo tequila – still your favourite?”

A smile exploded onto his face. “Mi amor! Ana.” He rushed forward and pulled her into a tight embrace, one hand snaking up into the back of her braid so he could bring her in closer. The words hit her like a freight train and the breath was sucked from her body. “It destroyed me when you left.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered feeling shell shock.

“It’s okay. You’re here now, that’s all that matters. I’m not leaving you, okay.”

She swallowed hard. “I need to warn you,” she whispered softly into his chest, feeling heartbroken for the man clutching her like she was his lifeline. She couldn’t get his voice out of her head, _Mi amor,_ running on repeat. “I don’t remember everything. I… I only remember small things.”

He nodded, pressing a fierce kiss against the top of her head. “We’ll talk and take it slow,” he hushed in soft tones. “We’ll take it as slow as you need, amor.”

“There’s something else,” she continued pulling away. Her gaze flickered over to where Bucky stood, rigid and barely constrained. The Lieutenant followed her gaze to Bucky, his eyes quickly assessing him before looking back to her – waiting on her words. _How the hell do I do this?_ “Um… Well, I didn’t know that we…” she swallowed, and dropped her gaze. “This is Bucky, he’s my boyfriend.”

Sam seemed physically unable to withhold the drama of the situation. The elite solider turned away from the group muttering, “Oh shit,” under his breath. Despite the silent standoff between the Sergeant and the Lieutenant, it was his reaction she watched. It would have been funny, if she didn’t feel like the joke. It felt like a lifetime since the day had began so simply, wrapped in Bucky’s arms.

“I understand this is a very unnatural situation,” Captain Horris intervened, his heavy grey gaze resting on the Lieutenant with the first human emotion she’d seen in the stiff Captain. “I feel for you Ruben, but we have a very limited window of opportunity to get them into the mountain camp. We need to move now.”

“Yes, Captain.” He nodded, his hands still holding her arms as if letting go would cause her to float away. She noticed his hold tighten ever so slightly. “I’d like to fly this one.”

The Captain frowned, his heavy brow moving slightly to assess the small team. It had the potential to be explosive, despite the barely civil exchange so far. For a moment, his heavy-set eyes settled on Ana, an unsaid question lingered. She didn’t know how to respond.

“I’ll let Bower know he’s got a new co-pilot,” the Captain grumbled. “Get to your station, pilot.”

Ruben nodded, a brief, “Yes sir,” falling from his lips before he brought Ana back in for a tight embrace. “Promise we’ll talk, okay?”

She nodded into the crook of his neck. “I promise.”

He placed another lingering kiss against her head, breathing her in for a moment before he let go quickly and stepped away. He only had eyes for her as he walked backwards, finally turning around and setting into a jog towards the helicopter. Ana watched him turn around at the metal bird, his eyes still finding her through the rush of the crowd.

_Oh fuck, what have I got myself into._

~O~O~O~O~

“Married huh?” Sam chuckled, shaking his head.

Ana shifted uncomfortably on her feet. It felt impossible to ignore Bucky’s presence at her side, standing tall over her in the small space of the helicopter. “Kill me please,” she groaned as they took their seats.

“I don’t trust him.”

Sam looked over to Bucky and Ana caught the incredulous look he tossed away. “Of cause _you_ don’t. I wonder why?”

“He’s hiding something,” Bucky explained as if he hadn’t registered Sam’s tone. Bucky worked his jaw and looked away from the cockpit of the helicopter with an effort. “That’s why I don’t trust him.”

“Look,” Sam huffed and leaned his elbows onto his knees. “There’s two things we have to focus on here. First, and most importantly, Ana we’re here for you. Just because this kid thinks he’s your ex-widowed husband doesn’t mean you have to do or say anything to him. Bucky and I are more than happy to take him out back and show him how special you are to us.”

He held her gaze and she felt a flush of emotion at his care. “Thank you, Sam.”

He nodded, looking to Bucky pointedly. “Secondly, know we’re here to do a job. Saving the goddam world.”

Captain Horris entered the metal bird and slammed the doors closed. The blades began to pick up, the noise increasingly more and more deafening. Moving almost automatically Ana pulled the headphones over her ears, mutely registering how the world around her hushed. She could hear her chest thumping with the blades, until one became a blur.

“Alrighty folks.” Ruben’s voice cut through her thoughts, warm and deep. It settled against her bursting ribcage and eased the ache in her stiff jaw. “We’ve got a dangerous flight into the Cotahuasi Canyon, but there’s no need to worry because you’re flying with the best today.” They soared up into the air and begun their journey towards the canyon.

Ana tightened the straps of her seat to cover the sensation that her lungs were about to burst. _Focus. Breathe._ She took a small, tight breath in and released it as slow as she could before she needed another. _You’re not panicking, it’s-_

“The altitude here can be intense on those not used to it,” Captain Horris commented from the other side of the chopper. “It can make a strong man sick, even kill him if he’s not careful.” He held her gaze before looking over to Bucky carefully. She never wanted Steve to be here more than right now.

When they finally landed it had been an uneventful flight, but the Captain had elaborated that their air support had been devastated over the past few days. _They were lucky_ , was the effect his words had on her. She’d applied her armour during the flight. A mantra with the words, _It’s alright, one moment at a time. Focus. Focus. Focus._ She’d narrowed her focus to surviving the next minute, then the minute after, then the minute after that.

So, when they landed, she’d stepped out of the chopper with her team and followed Captain Horris towards the sandstone wall at the other end of the camp. Finally, he would answer the questions she’d had. The aliens from another world would be the least terrifying, confusing thing in her life at that moment. She’d deal with them and then…

“Hey, can we talk?” Ruben leapt from the cockpit and reached out for her. 

Ana turned from the group to give him a sympathetic smile. It felt like someone had stabbed her and her smile softened. “I’ve got work. Later. I promise.”

“Just be careful, please. I’ve seen these things take good people. I’ve just found you, I can’t lose you again.” He didn’t look away from her as Bucky put a hand on her shoulder and stepped forward.

“Ana’s changed since you knew her. She’s the most dangerous person I’ve met.” Maybe it was supposed to be reassurance, or maybe it was a brag. Ruben pulled his eyes away from her for a moment to glance over Bucky, clearly unimpressed.

“I’ll be alright, please, we have a job to do.”

She patted Bucky’s hand before, with much effort, moved it away. _“I’m sorry,”_ she whispered just loud enough for him to hear as she turned away.


	14. The Briefing

**February 15 th, 2015**

Despite the dryness of the desert, something slinked through the mist. Another long drawn out scream echoed against the walls of the canyon. An involuntary shiver ran up Ana’s spine. She could feel the creatures crawling on the desert floor and the walls of the canyon, hidden in this impassable mist. But she must have been oversensitive. _Surely my mind is just running away with me,_ she thought scratching her arm. _There can’t be that many… please._

“What’s the situation, who’s behind the line?” Sam asked as they reached the wall. An officer stood waiting, relieved the Captain, and directed them up the stairs lit with low fog lights.

“Well, sir no one at the moment.”

“But there’s screaming,” Ana replied trying to keep the horror out of her voice.

The officer nodded and the exhausted look in his eyes spoke to what he had witnessed in the past few days. “That was Private Jones, ma’am. I saw him die just yesterday. You see, the aliens, some of them mimic the last few cries the fallen make. Crunching bones, ripping flesh, screaming. It’s…” he paused and took a grounding breath. “It’s taking it’s toll on the men.”

Ana looked to Sam who was nodding empathetically. “How often are you rotating men to this post?”

“We don’t have the reinforcements for that. Not out here.”

 _There were so many at the base,_ Ana couldn’t help but think.

“Do they have any obvious weaknesses?” Bucky looked away from the mist over to her, his face still and serious in the face of danger. She could see the hardness of his bright blue eyes soften for just a moment, before he turned to the commanding officer.

“Nothing we’ve tried has worked. But we’ve managed to categorize them into three main types. If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to the main tent where I can show you the footage.”

He led the trio through the camp to where a large tent was situated in the centre. The officer ushered them towards a blank screen, nodding briefly to the other intelligence agents who hunched over maps and plans radioing procedures and positions in rapid Spanish and English. Ana and the three others huddled around the screen, listening attentively.

“We have the Stalker,” the officer, Jefferson, explained pushing play on the remote. The body cam showed the thick fog rolling across the wall where two soldiers were clearly posted for watch. They were green and grey in the night vision.

 _“Should we call this in?”_ one asked, turning to face the camera. He looked exhausted and nervous. Misty tendrils reached out from the black-grey abyss and with a crack and scream Ana watched as his body was splintered, rough chunks of his body pulled back into the dark maw of the mist. Her stomach rolled and the effort to remain straight faced was significantly harder.

“No one, and none of our body cams have been able to get a clear look at this one. But they are always accompanied by mist and we believe that they have some crude control over it as it always comes and goes with their attacks. Next, we have the Shredder.”

More footage showed a squat creature with four long bent limbs that reminded Ana of a strange spider. It was slick and black with a wide mouth of vicious teeth. Ana found herself assuming that was where the name came from. They watched it bound towards the camera, opening its jaws to reveal several rows of teeth. Hysterical begging croaked out of its jaws before it pounced, and the footage turned to static. It was quickly accompanied by screenshots of the creature. “The Shredder is capable of climbing with incredible speed and on the flat. These creatures are also responsible for the screaming and the begging we hear beyond the wall. Finally,” CO Jefferson continued with a tight inhale. “The bone thief.”

On the screen another black oily creature stalked closer towards the camera. Along its back the jagged bones of its spine splintered through the leathery skin. It looked strangely like a cross between a bear and a horse, bony and haunting. “This one does the most damage,” Jefferson explained. “We believe that, like it’s companions, it is intelligent. But this one… this one makes me believe in purgatory.”

He turned off the screen as it reached the camera, its massive dark eyes staring through the screen to clutch at her chest.

“Fear is clearly a tactic here,” she managed to strangle out in an even voice. “One we can also play.”

Jefferson seemed sympathetic about her optimism. It made her feel frustrated. “How do you propose we scare these monsters?”

“You mentioned they only attack at night, in the thick of fog. Turn back on the screen and tell me what two of those creatures have in common? Massive eyes. The lack of pigment in their skin. Tell me, _officer,_ what that suggests.”

He squared his shoulders, eyes flickering to the other men in the room as if seeking some support. “Are you suggesting we shine a big flashlight down the cave?”

“Watch your tone,” Bucky growled, prowling past the officer to turn back on the screen. “How do they respond to fire?”

“We’ve tried bombing them.”

“And?” Bucky looked from the screen to the smaller man standing next to him.

Jefferson leaned away slightly. “It’s effective at breaking them, but they…” his hands pulled together. “They reform. And there are too many of them.”

“What kind of numbers are we talking?” Sam asked.

“Well… We haven’t counted, it’s impossible.”

Sam seemed the most sympathetic of the three of them, and Jefferson returned that with respect. “How many when they attack the wall then?”

Jefferson shook his head, sadly.

“So, there could be three, or three thousand,” Bucky huffed. “If we don’t destroy that portal there could be more.”

“What’s keeping them here, though?” Ana asked, deciding that later was the time to raise the point of numbers. It was still too fresh, crawling over her skin.

Jefferson shrugged. “There is just too much we don’t know. That’s why we need The Avengers…” he looked from Sam, over Bucky and settled on Ana. She understood. _You were expecting more. Iron Man and Captain America most likely._

In front of their eyes, Jefferson snapped to attention.

“Rest up, soldiers,” Captain Horris said sweeping into the tent. “In the morning we’ll make our move. Jefferson here will take you to your bunks.”

~O~O~O~O~

**February 16 th, 2015**

It was so late the hour was now early. Darkness clung to the world with a fierce cold bite that leeched deep into Ana’s bones. She knew come the afternoon she’d dream of the refreshing break of night, but right now she wished it was just a little warmer. Strange noises and calls rang at random, keeping her mind on the creatures that lurked beyond the wall. _Any moment they could break through…_ She imagined the chaos that would follow. People would scream and die. There would be the spray of bullets and the stench of terror like piss and shit.

Ana rolled over and watched Bucky’s sleeping form in the bunk next to hers. A dim yellow light from outside cast his body in muted shadows and Ana watched his chest rise and fall softly in the steady rhythm of sleep. _What if I’m not enough to keep him safe?_ Her stomach rolled, clenching violently at the thought of his blood on her hands. _It was my fault that Nat almost died last time… What if I’m not as dangerous as he thinks? How can he sleep with those things so close?_ She closed her eyes and felt them crawl across the desert floor like lice across her skin. With a shudder she kicked the blankets off her. Moving quietly, she slipped from the bunk room, casting one last glance at his sleeping form before stepping out into the cold evening air.

The camp was mostly quiet, despite being heavily guarded. It seemed that tonight they had been lucky. No aliens had attacked the wall. _So far._ She tugged at the sleeves of the hoodie and made for the wall, nodding to the occasional soldier she passed. No one disturbed her as she climbed the stairs and looked out beyond the wall. There was no mist here and through the black lines of the canyon walls she spied the lights of the air-base far, far in the distance like a handful of stars laid on the earth. With a sigh Ana looked up to the sky. _So many. So bright… I wonder if anyone is looking back?_ She took a seat on the inner wall and admired the dazzling splinters of light amongst the darkness.

“You used to love it when I’d take you up into the mountains to watch the stars,” Ruben said, startling her from the cool silence of evening. She tried not to let her body lock with shock as he approached her. He was out of his army issued jumpsuit, replaced with a sweatshirt and slacks. The soft brown locks of his hair were tussled with what looked like sleeplessness and his tired smile disarmed her. Ruben took a seat next to her, close enough for her to stretch her fingers out and touch him. The simple thought made her chest constrict.

“How did we meet?” she asked softly, nervously looking over as his face lit up. He made her feel nervous and electric, like her stomach and heart were doing somersaults. There was something strange about being able to look at him, to see him clearly and not fear he would fade away with the morning light. She knew him through the handful of memories her mind had clung to. Strange sayings and smells. _Leather and fresh rain… even in this desert he still has that smell._ But even then, he was still a stranger to her.

“You had just graduated special forces training as an intelligence officer. They’d put you on our crew based in Venezuela. The second you walked off that chopper, dammit you stole my heart.” He looked over, his fingers twitching as if he wanted to reach out and touch her. “And you had us out of that shit hole in a week. We’d been stuck there for months, I almost forgot what an American hamburger tasted like.” He laughed. It was a warm, honest sound that made her cheeks flush.

“But,” she paused, her mind straining. “You’re American?”

He shrugged. “Born in Santiago, but my family moved to Texas when I was ten.”

Ana nodded. “Do you ever visit?”

“Sometimes. Maria, my older sister, she moved back when she married...” he paused on the word and looked down to her hand nervously. _I hadn’t pictured myself married before. I wonder what Hydra did with the ring._ “You never got to meet her, because they were so busy sending us on missions that by the time I finally maned up enough to kiss you… Well it all happened pretty quickly after that.”

Ana reached out and took his hand. It slipped easily into his, the touch gentle with the brush of callouses from a life of action. He squeezed gently before bringing it up between them. Ruben moved closer so the warmth of his body rolled off onto her. “See this scar here,” he said pointing to the fleck of white running down from the first knuckle of her right thumb down to her wrist. “You got this when we were busting a Brazilian drug lord. We were supposed to be stealthy, sneaking from room to room in his house but you were bleeding so goddam much. We had these big burly guards going in circles following that trail.”

Ana laughed. It felt easy to lower her guard around him. She watched as he brought her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss. It sent a volt right through her chest, releasing the cage of butterflies wild in her stomach. Ruben seemed to notice her sudden stiffness and he dropped the hand from his lips back into her lap. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“It’s not you.” She looked away from those hazel eyes back out to the darkness. “It’s not you at all.”

They sat in silence for a while, watching the lights of the air force base far away in the distance. “Do you remember what happened after they took you?” he asked.

Ana shook her head, surprised at how easy it was to talk to him and glad he avoided the topic of aliens. “There are fragments of memories. They mostly revolve around Bucky,” she confessed bringing her knees to her chest. “Hydra experimented on me - that’s why I can do what I do now... You haven’t seen it yet, but I have environmental control. It’s kinda cool I suppose.” She looked shyly over to see his rapt attention focused solely on her. It was suddenly hot under her collar and she looked away. “But they would torture me. Wipe my mind, brainwash me, put me on ice to sleep until they needed me…”

“And he was the one who did that to you?” Ruben asked, his voice barely containing the anger that bubbled below. When Ana looked over to him she saw it in his eyes for the first time.

“No, no he didn’t do that to me.”

“Then he let it happen.” It sounded like he was ready to march back into the camp and shoot the sleeping man.

She put a hand over his. “He was in exactly the same position as I was. They took him away from his life, experimented on him, they hurt him and brainwashed him, and they used him like they used me. They hurt me, but they did far worse things to him. Bucky is the only person who knows exactly what I went through, and he was the only person during those ten years that looked out for me. He protected me… as much as he could.”

Ruben nodded, the stiffness of his jaw easing. “I guess for that, I can be civil with him.”

Ana smiled. “I’ve been thinking.” The words began to spill from her lips before her mind fully registered the direction they were going. “I’m putting everything on hold until I know who I am. I don’t think it’s fair on either of you. I’m going to need time to figure this all out.”

She fumbled nervously with her sleeves, unsure of how to fully meet his gaze. Just because they were technically married didn’t mean he hadn’t moved on. What if she was being presumptuous? What if he didn’t-

“Hey.” His hand moved over hers and he rubbed small circles across her skin. “I’m not going anywhere, mi amor. And I will always support you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Thanks for all the love. I've been binge reading Jurassic Park and ooooooh my sweet child it is far scary than anything I thought the movie was like. So, if you like Dino's and great thrilling writing give it a go. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, we've got some alien action coming up soon! :D


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